What I learned during one month of veganism

At this point, I have completed one month of vegan eating (with the exception of the time I accidentally ordered a salad topped with cheese, and the time I mindlessly munched through half a bag of popcorn before remembering it had butter on it). It's been a worthwhile experience and a way of eating/living that I would like to continue, in large part because it feels like a contribution that I, as one person, can make towards sustainability.

Ten things I learned during my 30 day vegan challenge:

1) It's easier then ever to adopt a vegan lifestyle. Twelve years ago I became a vegetarian, and people thought I was crazy - even though I still consumed dairy products and eggs. They looked at my baked tofu as though they'd never seen such an oddity. Soy milk was only just starting to be offered as a milk substitute at coffee shops and restaurants. But now, vegetarianism is pretty mainstream, and it seems as though veganism is following suit. With the huge array of grains, nuts, legumes, fruits, and veggies offered by even the cheaper grocery stores, crafting a healthy and varied diet is pretty straightforward.

2) You might need to try a range of milk alternatives before you find one you like. I love almond milk, but other people think it's too thick. Rice milk is thinner but sweet. Soy milk is ubiquitous but - for my taste - a little grainy. Coconut milk is still a new one for me, and I've had it only a couple of times. The point is - there are options, and they're widely available.

Same goes for ice cream made with said milk alternatives!

3) Dark chocolate: vegan! Coffee: vegan! Red wine: vegan! One reason this challenge was doable was that I didn't have to give up all of my vices.

4) Flaxseed makes a great egg substitute. 1 egg = 1 tbsp ground flaxseed + 3 tbsp water. And flaxseed contains much-lauded omega fatty acids.

5) Things that taste amazing when you're craving something rich and umami, but cheese isn't an option: avocados (especially with a little lime juice and salt). Hummus. Stir fry made with sesame oil, nuts, and tempeh.

6) Rice and dry beans are relatively inexpensive. For a grad student, this is a big win. Quinoa is a little more expensive, but now that more stores sell it, prices seem to have dropped.

7) Fresh fruits and veggies are really good at standing on their own or with only a few additional ingredients. That means cooking vegan is easy. For instance: Brussels sprouts, beets, or carrots lightly coated in olive oil and salt and pepper, then roasted. Tomatoes, cucumbers, and avocado chopped up and mixed with a little olive oil, salt, and dill. Baked sweet potato topped with roasted garlic and steamed greens.

8) Vitamin-fortified cereals are a good way to top off daily recommended amounts of vitamins and minerals (especially iron and vitamin B-12).

9) Chia seeds may be a wonder food, but my Magic Bullet doesn't do a very good job of incorporating them into smoothies.

10) With a little planning and preparation, it's possible to be vegan and gluten-free without feeling deprived. If anything, these dietary changes have made me a more adventurous eater and a more confident cook.

What the heck does a gluten-free vegan eat?

I'm on Day 19 of the PETA 30 Day Vegan Challenge... and so far, it hasn't been nearly as challenging as I'd expected it would be. The rundown on what I gave up:

Meat, including fish: This wasn't very difficult for me. I've never been all that hooked on meat, thanks to the section in my 5th grade science textbook on the hazards of food-borne illnesses (my mom wasn't too pleased when I came home and started questioning her cooking techniques...) On the rare occasion when I crave meat, it's always for a big, juicy steak, which is something I wouldn't want to consume on a regular basis anyway.

Milk: I've been drinking milk alternatives, especially almond milk, for a while now. Almond milk tastes rich and creamy (like milk) but not too sweet (unlike ricemilk), and it doesn't have soy's distinctive texture. No problems here, either.

Yogurt: I mostly miss the convenience of yogurt. It's a great way to get a substantial dose of protein, calcium, and energy in one little bowl. Soy yogurt is readily available, but again, I'm not a fan of the texture. Coconut yogurt is decent, though.

Eggs: Eggs on their own, I can take or leave. It's harder to avoid them in baked products or things like waffles and pancakes, but I just read labels a little more carefully.

Cheese: I thought I'd be craving cheese! I've never met a cheese I didn't like, even the stinky, goopy, blue ones. But I'm not hankering for it. Not yet, anyway. I'm most surprised by this particular aspect of my vegan foray.

Here are some of the things I've been enjoying during this challenge:

Fruits and vegetables, of course!

Almond milk. Oatmeal. Sometimes together.

Carb- and protein-rich basics

 A probiotic drink, since I'm not eating regular yogurt anymore

Earth Balance spread (a little goes a long way, and it's so good) and corn tortillas

I feel good and am thinking about extending the challenge another two weeks once this month is up. Am I ready to commit to a total vegan lifestyle? I don't know yet. I have another work trip (with non-veg coworkers) coming up this month, and although I will have access to a refrigerator and microwave, the kitchen situation is a little sparse. So I'm going to try the vegan thing in that situation and see how it goes. If it's too stressful, though, I'll reevaluate. I travel a lot, and as prepared as I try to be in terms of having snacks on hand and planning where to shop, it's not always easy to find food that meets the gluten free/vegan requirement. Nor do my traveling companions always have patience for what some of them see as pickiness.

Aside from that, though, I am 100 percent behind veganism in that it supports sustainability, a healthy environment, and animal welfare. And those reasons, too, have been part of the motivation making this challenge pretty straightforward.

Marginally-Homemade Vegan Chocolate Nibbles

I have an issue with vegan energy bars, and it's that most of them (with the exception of Zing bars, which are my absolute favorite but which are expensive and not readily available around here) are date-based. Dates are tasty, but they're also texturally dense and very sweet. When you add to that things like dried cherries, walnuts, and agave, they turn into brick-like sugarbombs.

If I had to pick a favorite - Zing not included - it would be the Pure Bar:

The chocolate one especially. It doesn't really taste like a brownie to me, contrary to what the package says, but the cocoa cuts the sweetness a bit. The cherry cashew is... okay. When I'm desperate for a quick snack in the middle of the day, I'll eat one if it's the only carb-y thing around. 

But still... These things have heft, and once I eat one, I can feel the heft in my stomach. See? Dense, dense, dense:

However, they make a fantastic base for quick and easy chocolate nibbles. All you need is a bar and some dark chocolate. I use Trader Joe's: it melts well, and it's inexpensive:

Cut the bars up into little bite-size pieces...

...and then melt a few of the chocolate bars in the microwave. Heat on medium-high for 2-3 minutes, stirring once every minute.

Then just drizzle the chocolate over the bites. My five-year-old son did this part - his method was to dot each bite with a glob of chocolate. My method is to cover the whole thing (chocolate everywhere!), but I like how his chocolate dribbled over the sides. He did, too: he now fancies himself quite the pastry chef.

So easy, a Kindergartner can do it! (He loves stuff like this.)

I'll keep them in the refrigerator and have them as dessert for the next few days. Two or three bites are enough to make me feel satisfied and chocolate-happy.

This "recipe" makes Sandra Lee's creations look like food worthy of the French Laundry.

A Very Vegan Christmas

Merry Christmas and/or happy holidays, depending on what you celebrate. Regardless, I hope you get to spend this time of year with people you love.

My parents are in town to help celebrate, and yesterday I made a whole vegan spread for dinner. (Today is Day 8 of my 30 Day Vegan Challenge.)

1. Acorn squash with salt, pepper, and brown sugar:

This was super easy. The hardest part was simply cutting the squash in half. Had anyone been watching me try to slice through this thing with a butcher knife, I would have probably given them a heart attack. Thankfully it all worked out.

2. Steamed mustard, turnip, and collard greens with sweet onions, grape tomatoes, and yellow squash:

I didn't use a recipe for this one. I just made it up as I went along. I heated up the onions, then the tomatoes and the squash; this lent some sweetness to the pan. Then I added the greens and steamed it all on low for about 10 minutes or so. It takes a while for these types of leaves to soften up.

3. Roasted beets, carrots, and brussels sprouts:

Another easy one. I coated the brussels sprouts and carrots with a couple tablespoons of olive oil and then sprinkled in salt and pepper. I did the same to the beets, but separately to minimize getting beet juice everywhere (still happened during the cooking process, though). Then I roasted the mixture at 400F for ~30 minutes.

4. Smashed potatoes:

I peeled the potatoes and cooked them in the microwave until they were soft. Then I squished them up using a potato masher and added Earth Balance spread (not too much, since it tends to be a bit oily) and almond milk (probably between 1 and 1 1/2 cups in total).

Also, I purchased a crusty loaf of bread for everyone else's enjoyment. I heated it up, sliced it, and slathered a piece of it with butter for my son. Kid looked like he was in gluten heaven.

Verdict: I thought it was fantastic; the best thing was feeling full and satisfied, but not stuffed. My mom said she loved it. My husband seemed to enjoy it, especially the potatoes. My dad... Not so much. This was not his idea of a traditional Christmas dinner. Or traditional Christmas anything, given that we do not go to church or attend a Christmas Eve service. I have to be really careful not to let myself fall into the "I never do anything right" thing with them.

But whatever. You come to my house, you get to eat my hippie granola food and do the holidays our way. In the end, I hope they realize that we do have common ground - not in food, not in spiritual beliefs or practices, not in income, but in family and in doing our best for the kids in our family.

Anyway, have a wonderful day! I hope you get to eat, and rest, and share, and get all of the things you need and at least a few of the things you want.

Saturday Six; Vegan Days 3-5

1. My family came into town today. One thing that I've noticed since being in therapy, taking antidepressants, and learning how to set boundaries is that I can now handle having my relatives in my home for extended periods of time (and by "extended," I mean six hours or so, tops). This has not always been the case. Used to be that having them here for even half an hour sent me into a tailspin of anxiety, depression, and dissociation. The most important thing for me is not letting them infiltrate my own space: whereas we used to have them stay in our house, we now ask them to stay in a hotel. Although somewhat inconvenient, it works out so much better for everyone.

Confession: as healthy as that all sounds, I was kind of a mess yesterday. When it comes to my family, panic attacks are my autopilot measure.

2. Another confession: while they are in town, we have plenty of libation on hand. Alcohol does serve its purpose at the holidays. I did not learn this in therapy. 

This is one of my favorite inexpensive wines - mostly because it tastes good, but I also do love the label. :-)

3. One of my students from this past semester sent me a hand-written thank you card. My grades have been in for two weeks and she's already received her updated transcript, so it's not like she was doing this to win favors. I have to give her props. Maybe one day I'll make writing personalized thank-you messages a goal; as it is, I'm happy if we manage to get the water bill in the mail.

4. Paper snowflakes: I love them.

5. Today was Day 5 of the 30 Day Vegan Challenge. So far, so good! 

Breakfast: GF granola cereal with almond milk

Snack: Almond milk (!) latte at the new cafe in town... This is the first time I've been to a local place that offers almond milk

Lunch: GF pasta (Trader Joe's brand, which is pretty good) and sauce with an apple on the side

Snack: Orange and a Larabar

Dinner: Sauerkraut with potatoes, green beans, and mushrooms. Sauerkraut: smells stinky, tastes delish, yay for fermented food.

I'm reminded that this whole vegan thing isn't an issue for me as long as I have access to the food I like/need and a way to cook it. I'm not craving meat or dairy so far. In the long run, I think cheese will be the toughest thing: I do love a good stinky cheese.

6. To offset the calorie count: mat Pilates last night (first time doing a bona-fide Pilates class) and an Xtend Barre class today. After two weeks of being away, I'm sore.

Wind, rain, hills... 20 miles

20 miles, done.

It was not an easy run for either RF or myself. We started off on an exceedingly hilly road and followed it for the first 11 miles. At mile 4 or 5, we hit a hill that seemed to go on forever, and I really struggled. I kept moving forward, but very slowly, and my mind kind of shut down. I couldn't manage to put together coherent thoughts, except a Little-Engine-That-Could type mantra: Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. This first half of the run was more beautiful, but although I did take note of the gorgeous red, yellow, and orange leaves, I didn't enjoy it much. It was a slog. Plus, my knee started to ache somewhere in there; I worried that it might not hold up.

At mile 11, we stopped to have a snack that my husband had cached for us. Amazing: a little extra water, a little Gatorade, an energy bar, some stretching, and I was like new. In fact, from there on out I felt a whooooole lot better. Not to say the second half was easy. It wasn't. But I found a groove and stayed in it for most of the rest of the way. It helped that we a) walked up a couple of the bigger remaining hills (honestly, I think I walk up hills more quickly than I run them - I go into speedwalker mode) and b) took a bathroom break. Plus, I promised myself that at mile 16 or 17 I could consume my beloved Espresso Hammer Gel. For whatever reason, it tasted absolutely divine, even though anything else would have likely made me puke.

At mile 17.5 or so I started breaking up the run into mini-goals: run to that sign, now run to that electric pole, now run to the stoplight. Mentally, it worked wonders.

During the last mile the wind picked up to 20-25 mph, and we were running directly into it. We felt like we were standing still. That part was tough.

It was good, I think, to have such a tough run and get through it anyway. That way, even if parts of the marathon are rough, we'll know we're capable of pushing through.

*  *  *

Near home, RF joked that "we shall overcome," and suddenly I was swooped back in time to elementary school when we sang that song at nearly every assembly and holiday concert. I remembered all the words and hummed it all the way back. I'd forgotten how much I love that song. And in a way, it was appropriate for our morning. :-)

*  *  *

Got home, iced my knee, ate apple crumble, ate a burrito, ate some chips, drank a lot of fluids, ate some more. Showed my son how to use Q-Tips to spread glue onto paper; ended up with a giant mess on the kitchen table. Showed my son how to make pancakes and roasted potatoes for dinner; ended up with a giant mess on the counter. ;-) I'm surprised at how much energy I had this afternoon. If anything, I had MORE energy than I usually do on days when I do not run.

I love running.

Forced rest and spicy carrot-bean-garlic soup

Every now and then, it's almost a relief to be well and truly flattened by a seasonal illness - because then I am forced to slow down, regardless of all the things I think I need to do or how far behind I think I'm getting or what a lackluster parent I think I'm being. A minor cold, random stomach issues, a persistent cough - I can work around those things, even if I feel really bad. It's only when I can't get out of bed that I have no choice but to stop and give in.

Wednesday morning, my nose was runny and my eyes were watery, but ragweed levels in our area were high, so I thought that was the culprit. I took some allergy meds and waited to feel better. Nothing happened. Wednesday afternoon, I started coughing. Wednesday night, I felt feverish.

Thursday morning, I stayed home from work and went in only to teach a lab. I thought about asking my advisor (who teaches the lecture counterpart of the course) to take over for me, but he's not one for excuses. Being that I was upright and could drive, I figured he wouldn't be all that sympathetic. During lab I was so wrecked that I wanted to crawl under a table and take a nap, but the students in the class were so pleasantly determined, enthusiastic, and interested in what was an admittedly challenging set of activities that I rallied and tried to meet their level of energy. Did that happen? Not exactly. I sensed that they were taking some pity on me. I must have looked like roadkill by that point.

I slept for a total of maybe three hours on Thursday night and by sunrise I could barely sit up in bed. I ended up working from home and took frequent rest/nap breaks. Normally I'd feel guilty for not going to work, but I realized that I was in absolutely no shape to get behind the wheel, drive 20 minutes on the highway, and communicate with people in a functional manner. Plus I would have passed on this flu to my colleagues.

I'm still feeling exhausted today. I'm also dizzy, but I think that has more to do with me forgetting to take my Zoloft yesterday and this morning (classic symptom of antidepressant withdrawal, according to The Google). Hopefully I'll continue on this upswing and be ready to get back to work, running, and more energetic mothering come Monday morning.

All that said? It does drive me crazy to not be able to do what I want to do, especially run. But I know from past experience that if I try to run while I'm still congested, this thing is just going to drag on.

I did have enough energy to make something yummy and healthy for today's lunch: a spicy carrot-bean-garlic soup. It's a spinoff on one of Marlow's recipes over at Gluten Hates Me (I love that blog - go check it out, even if gluten loves you. She has great recipes.)

I heated oil in a saute pan and added 1/4 an onion and two cloves of garlic. When they were soft (~5 minutes), I added a few handfuls of chopped spinach, a can of garbanzo beans, and ~1/4 cup black beans, stirring occasionally until they were warm.

I also added several dashes of cayenne. Anything to help clear my sinuses.

Once the bean/spinach mixture was hot, I poured in one box of Trader Joe's carrot-ginger soup and let the whole concoction simmer on medium heat until it was steaming. I LOVE this soup. It's delicious - tasty, but not salty or overpoweringly ginger-y.

The result:

I've already had three bowls. Moderation is not my strong suit. But then again, don't they say to feed an illness? I can handle that.

While recovering, I'm reading triathlete Chrissie Wellington's book A Life Without Limits. It is truly inspiring. Of the three running-related books I read this summer - the others being those by Rich Roll and Scott Jurek - I think this is my favorite. Although it's about her life and accomplishments, it's also clearly about the reader. It's making me think about my own perceived limits and the importance of testing them, seeing how far back I can push them.

Her take on rest and recovery: "The idea of rest flies in the face of every value I have lived my life by. I should be the last person to preach downtime, having indulged in so little of it during my life before triathlon, but I am fully converted now. I realize it is not the actual sessions of swim, bike and run that make you fitter, it is the periods you spend recovering in between, during which your body adapts and regenerates. That's why I say I train 24/7 - recovery is training. It's the most important part of it, in fact."

Well okay then. If Chrissie says so, I will go back to sitting on the couch.

Five happy things, with asterisks

Five happy things today:

1. My running girls and I had a great six-miler this morning. We started early, headed across town through intense humidity*, conquered at least three steep hills, and wrapped up feeling like we could have gone at least six more miles. Running highs are the exception to the rule for me, so I definitely appreciated this one. I especially appreciated sharing the experience with my friends.

*At least it was relatively cool. Autumn is on the way, and although I am not ready to say goodbye to summer, autumn provides much better running conditions.

2. I have therapy tomorrow, and I am so looking forward to it. It's been two weeks since I last went and I feel like I really need a chance to vent/let loose to someone who will listen in a nonjudgmental way*. I have been seeing this therapist on and off for more than two years. My meetings with him have become an important aspect of my life, even when (especially when?) I'm not in crisis mode. We have a special rapport that I value.

*Because who else is going to let me blather on about myself for the better part of an hour?

3. Peanut butter Larabars topped with melted dark chocolate for dessert*. I don't like most Larabars on their own, but with the chocolate on top, it's like a gluten-free, vegan peanut butter cup.

*I love dessert.

4. I'm looking forward to reading with my son tonight*. We're in the process of establishing a family reading hour before his bedtime. Last night we read for 20 minutes. We'll up that length gradually.

*I love Trashy Town and Cat in the Hat. I can't stand Wacky Wednesday.

5. My husband made dinner. It involved lots of potatoes and it was delicious*.

*I eat like a linebacker. 

Group run! and pakora

My running group reconvened this morning for our first workout in at least six weeks. It was so good to be out there with my speedy girls again. With them, I can forget (or at least shove aside) any feelings of tiredness and laziness. They also make it easier to run in lovely 99.99% humidity, which was certainly the case today. They push me - maybe not intentionally, but they do. I want to keep up with them, and as a result, I've become a faster and more efficient runner.

*  *  *

The other night I decided to try making the vegan, gluten-free veggie pakora that my friend in Washington introduced me to. Granted, she didn't actually give me a recipe, so I improvised based on memory and a very limited knowledge of Indian cuisine.

First I cut up cauliflower, carrots, sweet potato, red potatoes, zucchini, and onion.

In a separate bowl, I mashed up a can of chickpeas; added cumin, coriander, turmeric, salt, pepper, a little dill, and a tbsp or so of hot sauce; dumped in some garbanzo bean-based GF flour (I had Bob's Red Mill on hand, but I think pretty much any fine flour would work); and added water until the mixture had the consistency of gloopy mud. 

Remember making mudpies? The mixture should feel/look sort of like that. Maybe a tad bit more watery. But it should definitely be a thick-ish batter, because otherwise your fried veggies will look sad and naked (I know because I ruined the first batch with a watery batter).

I poured canola oil into a small saucepan so that it was ~2 inches deep and heated it on medium-high. When the oil was hot, I carefully plopped the batter-covered veggies into the pan and let them sizzle away for ~5-10 minutes, until each piece was goldeny-brown.

Using a slatted spoon, I placed each piece onto a brown paper bag to soak up excess oil. That part isn't pretty.

(I'm not a food photographer, in case you couldn't tell.)

I served the pakora over brown rice to give the faint illusion of healthiness:

The cauliflower, potatoes, and carrots worked really well in this recipe. The zucchini - not so much. Next time, I think I'll add eggplant to the mix.

Plié, run, dinner, dessert

Yesterday: 1 hour barre class, four mile run

Today: 1 hour barre class (I think she was trying to kill us - which I LOVED), three mile run at park followed by chasing after my scooter-riding son.

Working out this much makes me really tired, but in a good way. I had just enough energy this weekend to focus on family, eating, sleeping, writing, and watching television, which means that my brain didn't have enough juice to chase its own tail.

Dinner tonight: Hodge-podge of roasted veg (zucchini, tomatoes, sweet potato, regular potatoes, portobello mushrooms, and garlic) + kale (Trader Joe's frozen) + chickpeas marinated in lemon juice, lemon zest, salt, and pepper

Sidenote: This? From Trader Joe's? Is great. Just pop out a few cubes of garlic, add them to the pan with a little oil, voila. No need to chop garlic if you're short on time.

Planned dessert: Frozen grapes and blueberries. Like candy, but with more phytochemicals.

Confession: My husband, completely against my wishes of course, purchased more chocolate crack cereal. So there is a slight possibility that I may somehow try to work it into dessert. And breakfast tomorrow. And my mid-morning snack...

Planned evening activities: Eating said dessert, drinking a glass of wine, and indulging in an episode of Breaking Bad, which is quickly becoming an obsession for me and my husband.

Tomorrow: I need to be on the road by 6:45 a.m. I have little to complain about in my life other than this commute.

I truly hope this week is a good one for you.

Chickpea patties with roasted veggies

Five years ago, I cooked fairly often but didn't necessarily relish it. Trying to time each component of the meal, limit the amount of mess I made, wash the dishes as I went along (something my husband strongly believes in, probably because it means he doesn't have to spend as much time at the sink after dinner), make adjustments based on the availability of ingredients (or lack thereof)... It was kind of stressful. Also, I was perfectionistic. Every meal had to be a masterpiece. I'm no Julia Child, and with my attitude, I was doomed to culinary misery.

Going gluten free forced me to cook on a much more regular basis. I couldn't go out to eat nearly as often as I had in my pre-GF days; when I did, the food was usually disappointing. So cooking at home was almost always cheaper and sometimes more tasty. :-) At first I relied heavily on recipes, but then I realized that when you use fresh ingredients, you don't need to do a whole lot to food to make it taste good. And because I started to see food as fuel, I didn't get as upset if it didn't turn out as I'd hoped. It was still nutritious. Once I took some of the pressure off myself and reduced the complexity of my cooking efforts, the whole act of preparing a meal became a lot more relaxing and enjoyable. And as with most things, practice makes easier (not perfect - perfect is not a goal [or so I lecture myself on a regular basis]).

Tonight I made fried chickpea patties. The recipe is taken from Oh She Glows. I changed two things: I used GF flour instead of regular flour, and I fried the patties instead of baking them. We don't fry very often, and until recently it actually kind of scared me. But fried food... tastes good. And it cooks quickly. So I've gotten a little more comfortable with it.

Per the recipe, I combined red onion, garlic, cumin, coriander, and some salt and pepper (I kind of eyeballed the measurements). In a separate bowl, I mashed up two cans of chickpeas with my hands (not the cans, just the chickpeas... har har) and added the GF flour. My son mixed it all together.

Chickpeas and flour in wooden bowl; onions, garlic, and spices in blue bowl

I divided the mixture into 10 pieces and patted them into little disks:

Then I covered the bottom of a saute pan with canola oil, let it warm up on medium-high heat, and added the patties once the oil was very hot (I deemed it "very hot" when I dropped in a chickpea and saw it sizzle):

Not a pretty picture. Oh well. Does frying ever look pretty?

I fried the patties for ~4 minutes on one side and ~3 minutes on the other. Then I placed them on towels to soak up some of the excess oil.

I served them with roasted brussels sprouts and grape tomatoes (mix sprouts and tomatoes with a generous swizzle of olive oil, add salt and pepper, bake for 30 minutes at ~400 degrees). 

I was really pleased with the flavor and texture combinations: sweet tomatoes, slightly salty Brussels sprouts, patties that were light and crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Perfect. Total comfort food. And easy to make.

Crisis averted.

I may have overreacted a teensy weensy bit yesterday. Today I went to school and talked everything out with my advisor (calmly and professionally, in contrast to my "I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS" email from yesterday), and he helped me come up with a solution that, while not ideal in that I'm still going to have a heavier workload and busier schedule than I'd planned for, will be tolerable. I hope. I feel a little silly for getting so upset, but then again, I subscribe to the belief that my level of angst is inversely proportional to the true severity of the thing causing the angst. In other words, if I freak out a lot about the perceived problem, it'll end up being okay, but if I don't freak out enough, I'm screwed. My therapist would probably advise against this line of "reasoning."

At any rate, crisis sort of averted.

Today the weather is the nicest it's been in several weeks. Evening temperatures are in the mid-70s instead of the high-90s/low-100s, the sky is blue, the air feels clean thanks to yesterday's rain, and there's a soft breeze. I'm sitting outside and relaxing with this while dinner's cooking:

(Yes. This is a plastic wine glass. It's for camping. Granted, I rarely camp, but whatever.)

For dinner I'm making shake-and-bake veggies: carrots, zucchini, mushrooms, eggplant, beets, and brussels sprouts, placed in a big plastic container with olive oil and Trader Joe's lemon pepper seasoning, and shaken up until every piece is coated:

(I love Trader Joe's more than any other store, I think.)

Weekend plans:

• Running - hopefully outside
• Making these cookies with my son - we love them!
• Cleaning my house and finally unpacking all my bags

And that's about it so far. Not very exciting, but I'm lazy, so it's fine with me.

What are your weekend plans?

Home again, home again

I am so very, very, very happy to be home again. I love my home so much. It's small, it's not fancy in any way, it's never really clean, but I adore it.

The trip ended on a good note: last night my husband and I went on a date to a delicious Mexican restaurant, and this morning we went running together along a cool, shaded path before we flew home. Time with my in-laws went as well as it possibly could have. I'm glad we went and grateful that I managed to hold it together.

I can't wait to sleep in my own bed. I can't wait to NOT see the inside of the airport for the next five weeks. I value any opportunities to travel, but after four trips in as many months, I'm ready for a break. I'm ready to establish a dull routine.

When we got home tonight I made a meal out of a can of garbanzo beans, a bag of pre-cooked rice, and whatever vegetables hadn't gone bad in the refrigerator while we were away:

Chickpeas and zucchini mixed with olive oil, turmeric, cumin, and coriander, roasted for 30 minutes at 400 degrees in the toaster oven

 Caramelized onion (photo shows mid-caramelization process)

Rice - I am a big fan of this brand when I want to take the easy way out

+ tomatoes and spinach =

easy, healthy dinner + leftovers for tomorrow's lunch:

Yum. I especially love the caramelized onion/roasted chickpea combination.

And now to collapse in a heap, on my own bed.

Caramelizing

This morning I felt perfectly fine. I felt normal. I felt composed, calm, and focused. Now I feel awful: spaced out, tired, sad. Depressed. Unsure of myself, of my identity. The shift happened sometime during therapy today. I could feel it happening, but I still don't know why. It was basically 50 minutes of silence and staring at the carpet punctuated by the occasional attempt to say something and making no sense whatsoever. It's frustrating to be drowning in these incredible, breathtaking waves of deep emotion and have no idea where they're coming from.

There is absolutely nothing in my life right now to feel sad about. I feel guilty for letting myself get this way; other people have far more reasons than I do to feel down. But trying to badger myself into pulling it together never works.

I have learned that the healthiest way for me to deal with this - because it happens a lot - is to just hang on tight and ride it out, and try to find some sort of non-self-destructive distraction.

Right now my distraction is fennel and onions. I'm caramelizing them. For some reason, that's always comforting. I watch them slowly, slowly, slowly turn brown and sticky and sweet. I occasionally stir them around, but not too often. Caramelizing is about patience and walking away for a while and trusting that if you simply keep going, what's supposed to happen will eventually happen.

Comfort food

I like to travel and see new places, but I get easily overwhelmed by the novelty and unfamiliarity of everything. Eating well, running, getting enough sleep, and having time to myself all help me deal with that (with varying degrees of success). On this trip, my sleep hasn't been great (the dorm I'm staying in has no AC, and it's been over 90 degrees the past few days) nor have I had a lot of alone time (I'm sharing the dorm space with two other women - which is actually a good thing, as discussed below).

BUT! I'm doing pretty well in the running and food departments. First, the food. Finding stuff I can eat is clearly not difficult here:

One of my roommates is from India. She's here for six months to study plant biology. She is a vegetarian and a wonderful cook. One night she made me veggie pakora: vegetables dredged in chickpea flour and fried:

It was so easy and crunchy and delicious. I'm definitely making this when I get home.

I also splurged on a chocolate milkshake. It was made with dairy milk (organic, from local cows, and the money from this business goes right back into care of said cows). It was delicious. I want to eat vegan, but I don't think I need to be particularly militant about it if there's a situation where having non-vegan food offers a unique opportunity and/or benefit. I guess for me, it doesn't have to be all or nothing - especially when I'm on the road.

Next time: comfort running! I'm hoping to do a short run tonight and take some pictures along the way.

Waiting for the snow

It's supposed to start soon! The verdict's still out on how badly this will snarl transportation tomorrow morning. Personally, I'm hoping for a snow day and a chance to read one of the books I picked up at the library this afternoon. Being snowed in on a Monday sounds perfect!

Today's run: 4.1 miles at an average of 5.3 mph. I maintained a speed of 5.5 mph for at least 15 minutes. Progress! I remember when running for more than an hour at 10 minutes per mile felt like the easiest workout ever. That was 6+ years ago, but I think I can get back to that level if fitness. Maybe I'll even exceed it (eventually).

Today's Pandora stations: Sara Bareilles followed by Aerosmith. Favorite song to run to today: Say Hey by Michael Franti and Spearhead. Perfect way to get motivated.



Tonight's dinner: Random concoction consisting of black-eyed peas, carrots, onions, tomatoes, and some potatoes. It's simmering on the stove for the next hour. We're big fans of one-pot meals.

Today's mileage: 4.1 miles
Weekly total: 4.1 miles
Cumulative total: 25.5 miles

Today I...

...walked/jogged 4 miles. I probably walked 1.5 miles and jogged 2.5 miles. I meant to just walk, but I get impatient. And bored. Once I started "speeding up" (relative term), I felt good. I thought about how much I enjoy running and yet how lazy I am about my training. I do what gets me in a comfortable runner's groove; I rarely push myself beyond it. I might work on that. Or I might not.

...didn't listen to music while I worked out. Sometimes I don't feel like it. Instead, I caught up on some non-required reading. I especially enjoyed this article about "losers" who became runners.

...made basic pasta and sauce for dinner. This is my fave sauce from Trader Joe's. It's so good that I never add anything to it. It's pretty spicy, which I love. Spoon it over rice pasta (TJs sells that, too), and you've got a tasty gluten-free meal.

I adore Trader Joe's: the prices, the food, the quality. Trader Joe for president!

Total miles today: 4 miles
Cumulative mileage: 18.2 miles (Wow! Pretty happy with that!)