Resolutions for the new year, and a treadmill workout

Happy 2013! Our New Year's celebration was quiet. We got the little man down to bed at a decent time and then we watched a documentary on Netflix called Deep Water. It's about a weekend sailor who decided to compete in a first-of-its-kind round-the-world sailing competition in the late 1960s. The ending was totally not what I expected; I couldn't believe I'd never heard of this guy before now.

We made it to midnight, but barely. Apparently we were not alone. As I checked Facebook, I saw a lot of "It's only 9 p.m. but I can't stay up any longer and by the way I'm officially old"-type posts. 

Resolutions: Do you have any? Or anything you want to do/change in 2013? My only resolution at this point is to keep up the activities and habits I took up in the last part of 2012:

• Continue going to Xtend Barre classes 4 times a week (I continue to love, love, love this class... Who knew I'd grow so fond of ballet and Pilates?)
• Find my next race. 5K? Half marathon? Trail run? Not sure yet, but I'm hoping that I'll decide on something close to home, and relatively soon.
• Finish up my 30-day vegan challenge! I'm on Day 16 (I think), and so far, so good. My only slip-up was when I ordered a salad at Panera and discovered too late that it had feta cheese on it. My least favorite cheese! Argh. I hate wasting food so I ate it anyway. More on the Vegan Challenge in the next few days.
• And lose a few pounds. I guess that one's new, but I don't want to get too caught up in thinking about it. I'm using the Lose It! app on my iPhone to track my calories and workouts. More on that in the coming weeks, too.

*  *  *

I'm one of those runners who is not too keen on running in supercold weather (and by "supercold," I mean anything less than 30 degrees F - since moving to the South, I've become a winter wimp). I ran on my treadmill instead and made up my own interval workout as I went along. I was pretty happy with it. There was enough variation to keep me from getting too bored. This would be easy to modify based on your own moderate baseline pace:

Easy Does It 60 Minute Workout:

* 5 minutes walking (moderate effort)

* 5 minutes 5.5 mph, 2 minutes walking

* 5 minutes 5.6 mph, 2 minutes walking

*5 minutes 5.7 mph, 2 minutes walking

* 5 minutes 5.8 mph, 2 minutes walking

* 5 minutes 5.9 mph, 2 minutes walking

* 5 minutes 6.0 mph, 2 minutes walking

* 1.5 minutes each of 6.0 down to 5.5 mph (9 minutes total)

* 4 minutes walking

Weekend in pictures and a documentary recommendation

This was a great, lazy, relaxed weekend. Again, I'm so glad to be home. I'm so glad that I didn't have anything scheduled. And I'm very, very, VERY glad the weather was so beautiful, because it meant I got to spend a lot of time sitting out on my patio without melting.

This weekend I...

Went running: outside on Saturday and on the treadmill today (26 minute higher-intensity workout consisting of 3 minutes of walking, 20 minutes of >5K pace, 3 more minutes of walking)

Ate a lot. My son and I made cookies, as planned:

On Saturday I made a delicious dinner salad with romaine and spinach, mandarin oranges, cucumber, almonds, plums, cherries, tomatoes, carrots, and avocado:

I dug through 3/4 of this evil gluten-free cereal that my husband purchased for me. It's like crack. I can never allow him to purchase it ever, ever again.

Played with my son. We spent some time with Play-doh...

...then decided to ramp up the excitement by going outside with a bunch of different foods to see what ants prefer to eat. According to our very scientific study, they love chocolate chip cookies and American cheese, but aren't all that fond of carrots:

(All those little dark specks on the cookie are ants.)

 We also found this guy while we were experimenting:

Drank wine. Outside. 

Watched two documentaries (I love documentaries): Home and Triage. "Home" was interesting but left me feeling incredibly frustrated/maybe a little outraged at the woman who "starred" in it. "Triage" was painful to watch but important in sending out a reminder that we're all united by the human condition. I highly highly highly recommend it.

"It’s not about creating the perfect future. it is about responding to another human being who is suffering in a very particular way, and responding to them in a very particular way. With the expectation that that is the starting point of what we are as human beings.” - James Orbinski, Triage

The best-laid plans...

Treadmill workout - 1 hour of intervals at 2% incline:

• 5 minutes of walking
• 6 x walking/running intervals: 2 minutes walking, 2 minutes running at ~10K pace; increase speed by .1 each time (total of 24 minutes)
• 6 x walking/running intervals: 2 minutes walking, 3 minutes running at ~10K pace; increase speed by .1 each time (total of 30 minutes)
• ~2 minutes walking to cool down

I like intervals on the treadmill because they break up the monotony a bit. Today's workout was challenging - I felt tired and blah, but I was glad I did it anyway.

On a different note, I'm feeling frustrated tonight - at myself and at others. I try to establish limits in terms of letting people know what I can and can't do. I try to set myself up for success in terms of scheduling so that I won't get stressed out. In the past, I haven't been too good about that. I overwork and overbook myself, and the outcome is never good. At least three times this year so far, overdoing it has brought me to a miserable and scary place.

I'm working hard to get better at handling stress, but it is a long road to improvement. Stress is my kryptonite.

I made a huge effort to limit my obligations this fall so that I could focus on just two or three key tasks and keep stress at bay. Today I found out that, through absolutely no choice of my own and due to poor planning on the part of others, I'm getting a lot more on my plate. It's very last minute. Had I known this was going to happen, I would have arranged the fall semester in a much different way. I expressed my concern about it and was basically told that I'm just going to have to deal with it.

I'm worried and kind of scared about what this will mean re: stress. I'm mad because the person who's responsible for overturning my plans knows about all of the mental health stuff but doesn't seem to believe me. He sees me show up every day, get my work done, and do it well, and he assumes that surely everything is fine. He has absolutely no idea. Sometimes I am at my most productive when I am at my lowest: it's like I split into 2+ people, and each person does their own task, and well. It's one of the things I tend to do when my brain goes into red alert mode. It works, but it's exhausting, and it means I'm not in a good place.

I don't want to make excuses. I don't want to shirk my responsibilities. But I want to have some room to set what I feel are necessary limits/boundaries without someone coming in and totally destroying them.

Eggplant and potato pizza-ish

Four things about my life today:

• First thing: My son starts Kindergarten in a couple of weeks. I'm feeling all "OMG, my baby is growing up so fast!" My husband - the stay-at-home parent - is feeling all "OMG, I will have free time again!!!" Tomorrow begins the easing-in process for the school year. He'll have a screening session to establish a baseline of his current knowledge/skills, and the following week he'll go to school for a half day with his new teacher and classmates. After that, it's 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. The other day he asked me, "How many years will I have to go to school?" And I said, "Well, at least 13, but probably 17. Maybe more, if you want to." He stared at me and told me I must be kidding. I decided to leave it at that. We're going shopping for school supplies after his screening tomorrow. He doesn't care, but I am so excited. Lists like this make me feel gleeful:

• Second: I had a great therapy session yesterday. I was able to articulate my thoughts and be honest (doesn't always happen), and I left feeling comforted and cared for. Those are the sessions that make the more frustrating/confusing ones worthwhile.

• Third: This morning I did 35 minutes of running/walking. 10 minutes of walking, then ~25 minutes of alternating between fast walking and 9-10 minute pace. As far as interval training goes, it was pretty easy, but even easy, short interval workouts seem to help me maintain my level of fitness when I don't feel like putting in longer runs (especially in this insane summer heat).

• Fourth thing: I made gluten-free, vegan pizza tonight. Actually, it's not really pizza. Not technically speaking, anyway. It's more of a pizza-ish concoction consisting of GF bread topped with veggies - in this case, caramelized onions (yes, they make another appearance!), eggplant, mushrooms, potatoes, and tomatoes. I cooked the eggplant, potatoes, and mushrooms with the onions for a while before topping the pizza-ish.

This is my favorite GF vegan pizza crust mix:

The recipe calls for two eggs, but I sub in ground flaxseed. 1 egg = 1 tbsp ground flaxseed + 3 tbsp water. It works really nicely and gives the crust a subtly nutty flavor. I also added freshly-ground pepper and some dried dill.

The finished product:

I realize it doesn't look all that exciting, but it was quite tasty.

Toying with the possibility of a 50K?

Several months ago one of my favorite running buddies told me that she was interested in ultrarunning. My husband is an ultrarunner, so I told her she should talk to him about it, and she spent hours looking at the various websites and blogs he recommended re: long distance training and races. She got hooked. I encouraged her to go for it but thought to myself, "No way in hell am I running anything longer than a half marathon." (I actually did run a full marathon once, but it was a really long time ago and I didn't train properly. Painful.)

But a seed was planted. Then it was cultivated by several simple changes in my running life and personal life, and by my natural penchant for challenging/torturing myself:

• I started running with a group. Almost everyone in the group is naturally faster than I am. Although I am still a lackadaisical runner when left to my own devices, and although I often feel like I am on the verge of puking during our group workouts, I can tell that my pace has improved significantly over just a few months. 

• Running with other people has stripped away a lot of my natural social inhibitions and anxiety (with said people). In other social and professional situations, I find myself trying to be whoever I "need" to be to fit in. That's a long-held habit that I am working to break; it's not conducive to developing solid friendships because people never really get to know me (in fact, I barely know who *I* am in those instances). But when I run, I'm myself. I'm so focused on keeping up and simply getting through the workout that I don't have time to think about how I'm coming across. And sometimes, not thinking is a great thing. I've started to form solid, sincere, and supportive relationships with my running partners. (I'm not saying everything is always hunky dory. I struggle with friendships. But these glimmers of being able to "be real" with people have been encouraging.)

• I started running outside on a more regular basis. Running on a treadmill is fine for me: I don't usually mind the monotony, and it gives me a chance to listen to music and kind of zone out. But running outside is physically way more challenging. It's also less predictable and therefore way more interesting.

Making these changes leads me to wonder what else I am capable of doing when it comes to my running. And now I, too, find myself thinking about longer distances. I'm toying with the idea of training for a 50K with my afore-mentioned running friend. True, she's speedier than I am, but we share the same drive to challenge ourselves, and we work well as a team. It would be a way for me to push myself as a runner and as a way to strengthen bonds with someone I think I'd really like to know better. 

I think a 50K is doable, especially if I aimed for a race in spring 2013. I could train over the fall when the weather is cooler and have something to look forward to other than school-related stuff. And if we tacked on a couple of extra days, it might be a good mini-getaway. If I used my frequent flier miles, I could do it on the cheap.

Question: Does anyone have a suggestion for a good spring "starter" 50K in the U.S., preferably one that is at least partially on trails?

Seven miles, students, and Steve Jobs

Yesterday I ran seven miles, the farthest I've run in at least a year or two. My lungs felt good throughout; my legs got kind of rusty at the end. But I finished feeling more refreshed than tired. It helped that I was running outside. The weather was perfect - sunny, cool, breezy - and the falling/blowing leaves made it all the more invigorating. Today I kept it simple and followed up with a three-mile walk on the treadmill.

As I walked, I thought about my students. I've been teaching college students in some capacity for the better part of 10 years. When I started out, I was only a year or two older than the seniors. It didn't take much to intimidate me. I worried about whether they liked me, whether they thought I was lame, whether my classes were "fun" enough.

This is the first year where I look at my students and think, "They're so young." When I'm around them, I don't feel old, per se, but I see how I have changed in the last decade as an instructor. I feel more comfortable in the role, more capable. If they act out, I don't take it personally. I see their insecurities, their worries, and their frustrations. I see their creativity and their unique way of approaching problems. I think they are all incredibly smart and talented, though in different ways. And I really like each and every one of them. This semester I got lucky with my class: no-one whines (or if they do, they're smart enough to whine out of earshot of me), and they work hard enough.

I thought of them, and me, and life in general, when I read part of Steve Jobs' 2005 commencement address to Stanford graduates (I know he talks a lot about death here, but this quote is really about life): "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart... Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Tired but treading

Managed to run 3.2 miles today. I started at a speed of 5.0 and ramped it up by 0.1 every 1.5 minutes. It was challenging. I think I could have easily managed it during break, but because I worked out in the evening after a long day, my energy was pretty depleted. But I did it!

Monday's mileage: 3.2 miles
Week 3 mileage: 6.7 miles
Cumulative total: 50.4 miles (halfway there!)

Funny - some people run 50 miles in a single day, and here I am all proud that I managed to do it in two weeks. :-)

Tomorrow's a day off. I have to drive across the state to get some lab work done, and it'll probably be pretty late by the time we get home.

Don't think - just breathe

I felt frustrated and discouraged with myself by the time I arrived home from work today. I'm dealing with some uncertainties and unknowns, and there are few things I dislike more than uncertainties and unknowns. I'm a control freak. I'm working on that. What's worse, my mind tends to get stuck in deep ruts of self-criticism, and it's hard to break out of them. Running is one way to do it. Running fast(er than usual) is a really good way to do it because when I run fast, I can't think. I'm too busy remembering to breathe. By the time I'm done, I'm usually out of the rut and in a much better mental state. For me, running is a tool for maintaining mental as well as physical health.

Today's run: I started with 5 minutes at a speed of 4, incline 2. Then I set the speed to 5 and increased it by 0.1 after every minute. After 5 minutes, I went to 5.1 and repeated the sequence. Every time I started a new sequence, I began at a higher speed. I think my max speed was 5.6 or 5.7 - enough to make me feel winded. I finished with a slow jog.

Today's miles: 3 miles
Total cumulative mileage: 10.2 miles

I plan to take tomorrow off. As enthusiastic as I am about working out, I know I need to take a break once or twice a week. Resting can be a real psychological challenge.

Tonight's meal: Chicken and basmati rice stew with carrots, onions, mushrooms, and potatoes. It was delicious!

We have plenty of leftovers for tomorrow and the next day!

Another highlight of the day: Going to Trader Joe's to stock up on food for the next few days. Love the food, love the prices. 

First post!

I'm a notorious workaholic who has trouble relaxing. Someone asked me a few weeks ago what I like to do for fun - what instantly relaxes me and gets me out of my own head for a while. I said running and cooking. Those were pretty much the only two things I could think of. It's not that I don't enjoy other activities, but for the most part, I don't find them particularly restful. Few things can avoid the steel trap of perfectionism and overanalysis that sits, waiting, in my brain.

I do cook as often as my schedule allows, and I run when I can. Over the December holiday I was reminded of just how much I love putting on my jogging shoes and getting into motion - if only for just a short while, and even if it's only on my treadmill (often the case). My goal this year is to push myself as a runner, even though I know I won't have much time between my lengthy commute, my full work day, and time with my family in the evening. I'm going to use this blog as a place to log my treadmill miles, my speed, favorite meals, and whatever else gets me into a zen state of mind.

First goal: Log 100 miles. These miles can be running or walking, treadmill or outside, fast or slow. Doesn't matter when I finish it.

Today's run: I wanted to see how long I could jog. I've been slowly building up my mileage, and at this point I can comfortably "run" (read: lope slowly) four miles. Today I went five miles at a speed of 4.7, which is between 11 and 12 minutes per mile. I walked for about ten minutes and jogged the rest of the way. As usual, I set the incline at 2. I felt really good, though I could tell I was petering out a bit by the end. My lungs and legs were fine, but I was tired.

Current mileage total: 5 miles.
Dinner tonight: Cannellini beans with tomato, onion, and spinach (variation on a creation by Gluten Hates Me), and baked chicken with a white wine/butter/lemon glaze. All homemade, and all really easy! I didn't use a strict recipe and it still turned out well - definitely not always the case. :-)
Plans for tomorrow: I've been running for the last few days, so I wouldn't feel horrible about taking a break. But it's my first day back at work, and a short run would probably do me good, just to help me transition back into work mode. I'm going to aim for 1-2 miles.