So tired

It's only Monday, but I feel like I'm ready for another weekend. I'm exhausted. After getting stuck in traffic at 4 p.m. and inching home through a wintry mix of sleet, snow, and rain, I saw my bed and crashed. Napped for an hour. Now I'm dazed and totally unrefreshed.

Next time we move, I am living within walking distance of my workplace. End of story. I'm over commuting.

Things have been stressful at school. There's a lot going on in our labs, and people seem a bit on edge. I've been thinking more about my job search, which will start later this year oh.my.god. It's totally overwhelming. Grad school is going by so incredibly quickly and soon I'll be out there, outside of the little think tank cocoon I've been in for the past three years. Sometimes I feel like I don't really know what I'm doing. I suppose that's normal... Fake it 'til you make it and all.

I'm a little worried that I'm slightly anemic, despite my efforts to eat leafy greens and fortified cereals.

I'm a little worried that the dreary weather is getting to me.

I'm a little worried that I'm biting off more than I can chew.

And I really wish I could go back to the beach right now.

Tuesday Four (I couldn't think of a fifth)

1. I would like a vacation. Something involving skiing, a beach (not sure it's possible to have both, but that's what I'd like), a massage (or several), good but unpretentious food, sleeping in under a light down comforter, and no work. This will not happen unless a fairy godmother or Oprah ("YOU get a car and YOU get a car and YOU get a car...!") steps in.

2. I'm feeling low. Hopefully it's because a) I'm tired from the long run this past weekend, b) I have PMS, and/or c) I've been too busy for my own good, and not because depression is sneaking its way back in. I'm keeping my guard up, just in case. I suspect some of it has to do with the shorter days. I LOVE summer, when daylight lasts past 8 p.m. I feel suffocated when it gets dark at 5 or 6 p.m.

3. Did I mention that I would like a vacation?

Oprah? Can you hear me?

(Anyone else with me on this?)

4. Ever since I started doing Xtend Barre, I find myself releve-ing and plie-ing when no-one is looking. And pointing my toes.

Forced rest and spicy carrot-bean-garlic soup

Every now and then, it's almost a relief to be well and truly flattened by a seasonal illness - because then I am forced to slow down, regardless of all the things I think I need to do or how far behind I think I'm getting or what a lackluster parent I think I'm being. A minor cold, random stomach issues, a persistent cough - I can work around those things, even if I feel really bad. It's only when I can't get out of bed that I have no choice but to stop and give in.

Wednesday morning, my nose was runny and my eyes were watery, but ragweed levels in our area were high, so I thought that was the culprit. I took some allergy meds and waited to feel better. Nothing happened. Wednesday afternoon, I started coughing. Wednesday night, I felt feverish.

Thursday morning, I stayed home from work and went in only to teach a lab. I thought about asking my advisor (who teaches the lecture counterpart of the course) to take over for me, but he's not one for excuses. Being that I was upright and could drive, I figured he wouldn't be all that sympathetic. During lab I was so wrecked that I wanted to crawl under a table and take a nap, but the students in the class were so pleasantly determined, enthusiastic, and interested in what was an admittedly challenging set of activities that I rallied and tried to meet their level of energy. Did that happen? Not exactly. I sensed that they were taking some pity on me. I must have looked like roadkill by that point.

I slept for a total of maybe three hours on Thursday night and by sunrise I could barely sit up in bed. I ended up working from home and took frequent rest/nap breaks. Normally I'd feel guilty for not going to work, but I realized that I was in absolutely no shape to get behind the wheel, drive 20 minutes on the highway, and communicate with people in a functional manner. Plus I would have passed on this flu to my colleagues.

I'm still feeling exhausted today. I'm also dizzy, but I think that has more to do with me forgetting to take my Zoloft yesterday and this morning (classic symptom of antidepressant withdrawal, according to The Google). Hopefully I'll continue on this upswing and be ready to get back to work, running, and more energetic mothering come Monday morning.

All that said? It does drive me crazy to not be able to do what I want to do, especially run. But I know from past experience that if I try to run while I'm still congested, this thing is just going to drag on.

I did have enough energy to make something yummy and healthy for today's lunch: a spicy carrot-bean-garlic soup. It's a spinoff on one of Marlow's recipes over at Gluten Hates Me (I love that blog - go check it out, even if gluten loves you. She has great recipes.)

I heated oil in a saute pan and added 1/4 an onion and two cloves of garlic. When they were soft (~5 minutes), I added a few handfuls of chopped spinach, a can of garbanzo beans, and ~1/4 cup black beans, stirring occasionally until they were warm.

I also added several dashes of cayenne. Anything to help clear my sinuses.

Once the bean/spinach mixture was hot, I poured in one box of Trader Joe's carrot-ginger soup and let the whole concoction simmer on medium heat until it was steaming. I LOVE this soup. It's delicious - tasty, but not salty or overpoweringly ginger-y.

The result:

I've already had three bowls. Moderation is not my strong suit. But then again, don't they say to feed an illness? I can handle that.

While recovering, I'm reading triathlete Chrissie Wellington's book A Life Without Limits. It is truly inspiring. Of the three running-related books I read this summer - the others being those by Rich Roll and Scott Jurek - I think this is my favorite. Although it's about her life and accomplishments, it's also clearly about the reader. It's making me think about my own perceived limits and the importance of testing them, seeing how far back I can push them.

Her take on rest and recovery: "The idea of rest flies in the face of every value I have lived my life by. I should be the last person to preach downtime, having indulged in so little of it during my life before triathlon, but I am fully converted now. I realize it is not the actual sessions of swim, bike and run that make you fitter, it is the periods you spend recovering in between, during which your body adapts and regenerates. That's why I say I train 24/7 - recovery is training. It's the most important part of it, in fact."

Well okay then. If Chrissie says so, I will go back to sitting on the couch.

Crisis averted.

I may have overreacted a teensy weensy bit yesterday. Today I went to school and talked everything out with my advisor (calmly and professionally, in contrast to my "I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS" email from yesterday), and he helped me come up with a solution that, while not ideal in that I'm still going to have a heavier workload and busier schedule than I'd planned for, will be tolerable. I hope. I feel a little silly for getting so upset, but then again, I subscribe to the belief that my level of angst is inversely proportional to the true severity of the thing causing the angst. In other words, if I freak out a lot about the perceived problem, it'll end up being okay, but if I don't freak out enough, I'm screwed. My therapist would probably advise against this line of "reasoning."

At any rate, crisis sort of averted.

Today the weather is the nicest it's been in several weeks. Evening temperatures are in the mid-70s instead of the high-90s/low-100s, the sky is blue, the air feels clean thanks to yesterday's rain, and there's a soft breeze. I'm sitting outside and relaxing with this while dinner's cooking:

(Yes. This is a plastic wine glass. It's for camping. Granted, I rarely camp, but whatever.)

For dinner I'm making shake-and-bake veggies: carrots, zucchini, mushrooms, eggplant, beets, and brussels sprouts, placed in a big plastic container with olive oil and Trader Joe's lemon pepper seasoning, and shaken up until every piece is coated:

(I love Trader Joe's more than any other store, I think.)

Weekend plans:

• Running - hopefully outside
• Making these cookies with my son - we love them!
• Cleaning my house and finally unpacking all my bags

And that's about it so far. Not very exciting, but I'm lazy, so it's fine with me.

What are your weekend plans?

So I have to say that I have really, really enjoyed running during my stay here in Pullman, WA. I was a little worried about this trip because no-one I talked to who has visited or lived in this area had anything particularly glowing to say about it. Here's what I had heard about Pullman before I saw it myself:

• It's boring.
• It's small.
• It's not that pretty. 
• I'm sorry you have to go there.

You can see why I was hesitant.

BUT! As it turns out, it is a runner's dream. It has an extensive and well maintained trail system, and the weather is generally not too warm (though we did have a couple of hot days while I was here). And although it lacks the mountainy ruggedness of western Washington, it's very pretty: Pullman is surrounded by miles and miles of rolling fields that come in a variety of colors depending on crop type.

I've been running primarily on the Bill Chipman trail, which runs for 7-8 miles between Pullman and Moscow (Mosc-OH, apparently - not like the city in Russia), Idaho. As far as I can tell, some people just use their bikes to commute from one to the other. I'm so jealous of that.

Other things I like about Pullman and Moscow and this area:

• Great transportation options (like shuttles between here and Spokane, or here and Seattle, plus a city bus route)
• Moscow Food Co-op - so stupendously awesome
• Gem State Crystals - also in Moscow. I bought my son a collection of treasures here: some agate, some labradorite, and some staurolite. These are the types of presents you get when both your parents are geologists. ;-)

A few photos of and from the Bill Chipman trail:

Yeah. It was pretty great. The rest of the trip was productive, even fun, but it's the running that helps me stay on track and grounded - and this was a wonderful place to run.

First post!

I'm a notorious workaholic who has trouble relaxing. Someone asked me a few weeks ago what I like to do for fun - what instantly relaxes me and gets me out of my own head for a while. I said running and cooking. Those were pretty much the only two things I could think of. It's not that I don't enjoy other activities, but for the most part, I don't find them particularly restful. Few things can avoid the steel trap of perfectionism and overanalysis that sits, waiting, in my brain.

I do cook as often as my schedule allows, and I run when I can. Over the December holiday I was reminded of just how much I love putting on my jogging shoes and getting into motion - if only for just a short while, and even if it's only on my treadmill (often the case). My goal this year is to push myself as a runner, even though I know I won't have much time between my lengthy commute, my full work day, and time with my family in the evening. I'm going to use this blog as a place to log my treadmill miles, my speed, favorite meals, and whatever else gets me into a zen state of mind.

First goal: Log 100 miles. These miles can be running or walking, treadmill or outside, fast or slow. Doesn't matter when I finish it.

Today's run: I wanted to see how long I could jog. I've been slowly building up my mileage, and at this point I can comfortably "run" (read: lope slowly) four miles. Today I went five miles at a speed of 4.7, which is between 11 and 12 minutes per mile. I walked for about ten minutes and jogged the rest of the way. As usual, I set the incline at 2. I felt really good, though I could tell I was petering out a bit by the end. My lungs and legs were fine, but I was tired.

Current mileage total: 5 miles.
Dinner tonight: Cannellini beans with tomato, onion, and spinach (variation on a creation by Gluten Hates Me), and baked chicken with a white wine/butter/lemon glaze. All homemade, and all really easy! I didn't use a strict recipe and it still turned out well - definitely not always the case. :-)
Plans for tomorrow: I've been running for the last few days, so I wouldn't feel horrible about taking a break. But it's my first day back at work, and a short run would probably do me good, just to help me transition back into work mode. I'm going to aim for 1-2 miles.