Thursday, October 20, 2011

That's better: 1 hour run/walk

One hour workout tonight, and I felt pretty good. I alternated between running and walking:

-10 minutes walking
-5 minutes running
-5 minutes walking
-10 minutes running
-5 minutes walking
-20 minutes running
-5 minutes walking

Nothing wrong with walking!

The best part was that when I was running, I was in the happy zone, just gliding along and enjoying the exercise.

It's been 4 1/2 weeks since I quit therapy. After 1 1/2 years of seeing my awesome, thoughtful, caring therapist once a week or once every other week, this is a huge adjustment for me. I didn't necessarily want to end treatment, nor did I necessarily feel "done" with it. But I did it for two reasons: 1) it was getting expensive (he'd given me a massively reduced rate, but still, therapy is not cheap), and 2) I was starting to feel a little too dependent on it.

Is therapy addictive? I would argue YES. It's hard not to get addicted to having a whole hour every week to talk about whatever it is you want to talk about and have someone listen as if you are the most fascinating person on Earth (which clearly I am not nor ever could be, but my therapist did an awfully good job of making me feel worthwhile and interesting and cared for).

Don't get me wrong - therapy is also hard work. At times I felt worse after sessions than I did before. I guess it's kind of like running: if you want to improve, if you want to make progress, you have to push yourself. Sometimes it's going to hurt. But then you see yourself changing and feeling better about yourself, and you're inclined to keep forging ahead.

I miss my therapist. The whole concept of psychotherapy is kind of weird in that in order for it to work, you need to find a counselor that you're compatible with, someone you can fully trust. Then once you do, you spill your guts, your biggest and most painful secrets, to someone whom you're ultimately going to have to say goodbye to. And it's not like you can end treatment and suddenly become friends with that person. It's not like you can feel free to just call up every now and then for a chat. Goodbye is goodbye, unless you go back to paying them to listen to you.

I guess part of figuring out how effective therapy actually was is seeing how I handle life without it.

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