tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86587396448373846522024-03-05T02:21:53.306-08:00Stationary RunnerStriving for physical and mental fitnessStationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.comBlogger118125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-26868994832887881532013-02-10T13:15:00.001-08:002013-02-10T13:17:36.365-08:00Fiver1. I just did some laundry, wiped out the microwave with a sponge, and thoroughly cleaned the fridge. I'm feeling quite accomplished in the domestic department. <br />
<br />
2. My son has been talking nonstop for the last two hours. Topics of the day include Angry Birds, iPad drawing programs, and robots. It's gratifying and amusing. And tiring. Occasionally I duck into the bathroom for a break.<br />
<br />
3. I went to the symphony last night with a friend. We had wine and dinner at her place and then hopped a cab to the orchestra hall. It was beautiful: the music, the lighting and the way the space shaped the sound. It was also kind of challenging. I haven't been to the symphony in years; It was fun to try something outside my normal weekend activities (which are basically sleeping, eating, and working out).<br />
<br />
4. I'm doing a three-stage trail race in April! It's the War at Windrock near Knoxville, TN. It starts with a four-mile run in the morning, a longer uphill run in the afternoon, and a 20-miler the next day.<br />
I'm excited. Also slightly terrified. My trail running experience is very limited, though that will be changing as I train.<br />
<br />
5. In today's New York Times, there's an article by a guy who divides his work into three 90-minute blocks. He's apparently very efficient and gets more done this way than by working all day long. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to try it: three 90-minute blocks for the manuscript I'm working on, and then the rest of the day devoted to stuff like answering email, planning upcoming research trips, and other less mentally taxing activities.Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-36039592282266697102013-02-03T19:44:00.000-08:002013-02-03T19:47:14.974-08:00An article, and a trip down memory lane<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">This article - a great read - was in today's New York Times Magazine:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/03/magazine/the-boy-with-a-thorn-in-his-joints.html?ref=magazine&_r=0">The Boy with a Thorn in His Joints</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">It's about a little kid who was diagnosed with <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001487/">juvenile idiopathic arthritis</a> and assigned a battery of prescription drugs as treatment. When the pharmaceuticals didn't work, the boy's mom (who penned the piece) decided to take a more holistic approach and sought a supplemental, diet-based treatment. Six weeks after the little boy stopped consuming gluten and dairy products, his illness became inactive, and he was able to ditch the medication.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Of course, it's one kid. It's not proof that going GF cures autoimmune diseases. The author fully accepts this. But as she also points out, <b>"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px;">Data on diet and supplements are lacking, at least partly because they are hard to get. It’s hard to design a great study around something with so many variables, like the food we eat. Pharmaceuticals, on the other hand, lend themselves easily to randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled clinical trials."</span></b></span><br />
<br />
With the exception of some brief and regrettable forays back into the world of wheat, I've been gluten free for three years now. To a significant extent, I'd forgotten why, exactly, I decided to alter my diet in the first place. So I went back and reviewed my journal entries from around that time. They helped me remember just how sick I felt (headaches, chest pain, acid reflux, sinus infections), and just how quickly relief followed the dietary modifications I made.<br />
<br />
A few examples:<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Dec. 15, 2009</b>:<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I told A. [a naturopathic physician] about my acid
reflux issues and how I sometimes feel like my sinuses and throat get all
swollen after I eat. She thinks I have a food allergy (maybe several food
allergies). Apparently, GERD and food allergies are often related - though did
my stupid doctor bother to tell me this during our 15 minute follow-up session
this summer? No. (Not real happy with the general practitioners I've seen
lately...) A. recommended that I try eliminating soy, wheat, dairy, eggs,
and nuts for several weeks, then introducing them one by one. Blurrrrgh. She's
right; I need to do it. But it's difficult, especially around the holidays.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I haven't been eating much
wheat or soy recently, so I think I'll start with those. The food plan I was
following at the end of November didn't include any wheat products, and I can
easily substitute my soy milk with rice milk.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I'm pretty sure it IS an
allergy, but it's so weird that it developed recently. I never had this issue
when I was a kid.</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Dec. 17, 2009</b>:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I'm pretty sure I'm allergic or at least
intolerant to wheat. I've been keeping track of what happens after I eat it,
and usually my body responds in the following way (within 30 minutes or so of
consuming wheat products):<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>-Sinus congestion<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>-Lump in throat/swelling of throat (isn't too
bad, but of course this is a problem and I need to get it checked out!)<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>-Wheezing<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>-Headache<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>-Chest pain<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I looked it up and - surprise! - wheat allergies
CAN cause chest pain, which was the reason I went to the doc last summer in the
first place.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>You would think this would have been more obvious
to me before now, but... nope. Once I was diagnosed with acid reflux, I just
figured all of the above symptoms made sense.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I guess it could also be a dairy allergy (because
I often consume cheese with wheat), so I need to experiment more. However, I've
been eating cheese for breakfast on many days, and it doesn't seem to affect
me.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I know I can give up wheat, so I'm kind of hoping
I've pinpointed the problem. I'd rather change my diet than continue taking
medicine that isn't helping. I guess I should contact my doctor and ask for a
referral so that I can see an allergist in the new year.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Dec 20, 2009:</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Eating has been a little tricky. I don't know what my deal is. I seem to be
having weird reactions after I eat, but pinpointing what is causing them is
tricky. T. made me an omelet yesterday morning before we left, and I felt
HORRIBLE after eating it. I basically had an asthma attack. WTF. I've eaten
eggs all my life and never had any problems with them. So... yeah. I'm limiting
myself to fruits, veggies, and non-processed meat. And Enjoy Life snacks, which don't contain eggs, dairy, etc. I also tried some soy milk today to see
if it affected me (didn't seem to, so maybe that's okay?). I don't understand
why my body is freaking out on me. I know I need to see my doctor again -
because what if it's not allergies? What if it's something else? - but she was
such a butthead the last time that I don't really feel like giving her my
business. She doesn't listen. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Jan 14, 2010</b>:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Since right before Christmas, I've been avoiding
wheat, corn, soy, and eggs. I'm almost certain I have a wheat intolerance. It's
known to cause headaches and chest pain, both of which I often had before I
changed my diet (I was diagnosed with GERD specifically because I had
inexplicable chest pains). I haven't experienced either in the last few weeks.
The post-meal throat inflammation is also gone. I had a really strange reaction
after eating a couple of scrambled eggs right before we went to Chattanooga, so
I'm off those, too. As for soy and corn, they're in so many processed foods
that I decided to dump them as well. So far, I don't miss them - or any of
them, really. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I am shocked at how easy it's been to give up
pastries, cookies (well - except for the Enjoy Life gluten-free cookies, but
they're kind of pricey so I can't eat a ton of them anyway), bread, waffles,
cereal, etc. It's amazing. Keep in mind that I am not a very patient person. I
don't do well with cravings. If I crave something, I eventually end up eating
it. But I honestly have absolutely no desire to scarf down processed carbs. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>We're doing a lot more of our own cooking using
whole, natural ingredients. What I've been eating:<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Breakfast: Rice grits cooked with apples,
bananas, or other fruit and drizzled with honey. That might sound gross, but
OMG, it is so good! I've always had trouble stomaching oatmeal, but rice grits
are easy. Sometimes I have a piece of cheese, too.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Lunch: Usually dinner leftovers.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Dinner: Meat and veggies or rice and veggies. We
have had homemade beef stew (which was actually really good, though so filling
that I felt stuffed for hours afterward), rice pasta and sauce (rice pasta is
awesome - it doesn't get as mushy as regular pasta), soup, and chicken and
veggies. Tonight, we made baked chicken with potatoes, celery, carrots, and red
onion. SO DELICIOUS - one of the best meals I've made in a long time, and the
only extra ingredients I used were salt, pepper, and a daub of A-1 steak sauce
(which, yes, does have some corn starch in it, but which otherwise has a
straightforward ingredients list).<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Dessert: I'm eating less dessert than I used to
simply because the meals really fill me up. When I do need a snack, I go for
the afore-mentioned gluten-free cookies,
Enjoy Life chocolate,
or dried papaya.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Oh, and? I haven't taken my GERD medicine in a
week. I have had a little reflux, but that might be because I can eat like a
linebacker. I should be able to quell that by going a bit easier at the dinner
table. Since the chest pains and throat inflammation are gone, I just don't see
a point in relying on a prescription.</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia; font-size: 15pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<br />
* * *<br />
Incidentally, as I was trawling for GF-related posts, I ended up digging through all my other journal entries, too. Just reading them exhausted me. I was an emotional wreck back then. Of course, sometimes I still am - but not the way I used to be. Now I have more good days than bad days. Three years ago? I didn't know what a good day really entailed.Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-16132882883483158302013-01-29T17:06:00.000-08:002013-01-29T17:10:11.296-08:00Update: Low, tired, vegan-on-the-road, diet. Pause.<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>1. Low. </b>In the past week, a couple of situations with my advisor have left me feeling crushed, frustrated, and stupid. Based on what I've heard from other people about the final years of a Ph.D. program, this is par for the course. But it sucks.</div>
<br />
I love what I do so much, and yet it feels like such an uphill battle because subtle sexism is rampant. Moreover, many of these men don't even know they're doing it, so it's tough for them to recognize the problem, much less change their communication tactics.<br />
<br />
I don't want to be treated like a little girl. I don't want condescending lectures about stuff I already know and know well. I am GOOD at what I do - in the field, in the lab, AND in the classroom. I have something to offer! All I want is to be able to contribute to my scientific community and share my passion for science with my student collaborators. I don't want to live in fear that I won't be able to do what I love simply because I don't speak in the same "language" as many of my counterparts. <a href="http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=for-women-in-climate-sciences-a-struggle-to-find-a-voice">As stated in a Scientific American article published late last year:</a><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></i>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 24px;">Scientific inquiry is surely at stake, said </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 24px;"><a href="http://www.eas.unl.edu/%7Emholmes/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #19437c; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Mary Anne Holmes</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 24px;">, a mineralogist at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and former president of the Association for Women Geoscientists. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 24px;">"Women may have a different way of asking questions about the science and communicating the consequences," Holmes said.</span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 16px;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 16px;"><i>Studies have shown that groups make better choices when group members have diverse experiences and points of view, Holmes noted. <b>It's not that women look at the data and see some big feminine question that's not being asked or that men don't ask good questions, she added. Men "just don't ask all the questions."</b></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia, times, serif; line-height: 16px;">
</span>And it's funny how, when I start talking about this stuff around my male colleagues, I see a lot of eye rolling. Their perspective on this is different, and I end up feeling like a whiner.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>2. Tired.</b> I slept all day. This last work trip was an exhausting one: we were pulling long shifts, some of which went through the night. I felt fine while I was there, but as soon as I took my seat on the flight home yesterday, I felt like I'd been hit with a brick. I still do.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>3. I'm going to write a post about my attempts at vegan living on the road. </b>The upshot of it is that although I could have done it, I broke down when I discovered a well-stocked candy drawer during my midnight lab sessions. Fun-size Milky Ways taste so. damn. good. when you're exhausted and bored. And once the sugar hit my system, it was allllll over. I singlehandedly decimated that candy supply.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>4. Diet.</b> I tracked my calories until right around the time I started inhaling chocolate. Then I decided to "take a break." I'm confident I can get back on track now that I'm home.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>5. Press pause.</b> Can I do that right now? Press pause on life and take a time out? Preferably on a sunny beach with an alcoholic beverage? I'd like to.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-69909610742690416022013-01-18T19:03:00.000-08:002013-01-18T19:08:10.261-08:00Blue skies, finallyToday was the first continuously sunny day in more than a week. After being scoured by so much rain, sleet, and more rain, the sky was a brilliant, crisp blue. I decided to be a bad graduate student and skip school (and traffic). (In my defense, I've put in a lot of work this week, gone in early and stayed late, and submitted abstracts and manuscript drafts, so I decided playing hooky was okay.) On my day off, I...<br />
<br />
...went to an Xtend Barre class at the decadently late hour of 9 a.m.<br />
<br />
...decided to enjoy the sun by going to the park and jogging. I'm not sure where I mustered up the energy, but I managed to run four miles with negative splits, with my slowest mile being 9:28 and my fastest being 9:05. Those are good times for me, especially considering that I never felt like I was going all out.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfx8QY-TOWM5kiNq_lziDTN_39CjlzGSy2Ma1QmjkbYRf_0i4rshaKYSC_e0H57aLI1ezNGJdR0FfC2RdMJqMbU6dXLyNra50OByT6S4Mn2YWPQiqXNFRTAjI2IZ57w-rozpWewp_pHg/s1600/photo-54.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNfx8QY-TOWM5kiNq_lziDTN_39CjlzGSy2Ma1QmjkbYRf_0i4rshaKYSC_e0H57aLI1ezNGJdR0FfC2RdMJqMbU6dXLyNra50OByT6S4Mn2YWPQiqXNFRTAjI2IZ57w-rozpWewp_pHg/s320/photo-54.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Evidence of a gorgeous day.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
...went on a coffee/hummus date with my husband at a new cafe in town:</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBQwUM9bmLoxB_omZhrTET4YYZ0Wa4bjTDqFg8Uw49fhyphenhyphenrPc2TMHC4VN_1_3n46YnXy-gCkUXX1uLEScifkyYsanIrWINdgSfqj3lnpsZ0RptYbtr9yvdtToxSHcSiS9aOYdKO4ZlWDQY/s1600/photo-55.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBQwUM9bmLoxB_omZhrTET4YYZ0Wa4bjTDqFg8Uw49fhyphenhyphenrPc2TMHC4VN_1_3n46YnXy-gCkUXX1uLEScifkyYsanIrWINdgSfqj3lnpsZ0RptYbtr9yvdtToxSHcSiS9aOYdKO4ZlWDQY/s320/photo-55.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>The coffee was Panama something-or-other,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>and it was amazing.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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...borrowed some books from the library, including the new biography of <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/07/books/review/d-t-maxs-biography-of-david-foster-wallace.html?pagewanted=all">David Foster Wallace</a>.</div>
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...did some laundry.</div>
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...did not clean my house.</div>
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Re: that last one. It's funny how memories that once seemed insignificant - like, why have I remembered it all these years? What was the purpose in hanging onto it? - sometimes take on greater meaning. One such memory is of going to my first best friend's house to play. The place was always a complete disaster area: toys everywhere, sticky countertops, pet fur covering the couches, dust all over the floor. Even as a six-year-old, I noticed the disarray. But it was always so much fun. We let our imaginations run wild building stuff, coloring, moving toys from one room to another, going from inside to outside to inside to outside. Unlike my other friends' moms, she wasn't one to chase after us with broom, dustpan, vacuum cleaner, and annoyed tone. Instead, she was usually reading or writing or cooking or doing something for herself. She seemed to have her own life. I remember feeling really free and relaxed there, knowing that as long as we didn't fight or say/do anything inappropriate, no-one was going to yell at us.</div>
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Even with just one kid, it's hard to keep our place clean, and I try far less to do so than I used to. There are legos under pretty much every piece of furniture and Kindergarten artwork on almost every wall. Our ottoman is falling apart, and our couch has a three-inch gash in the cushion. My son's room looks - to me - like a mess, though he assures me that it is actually a house with its own kitchen, bedroom, and art center.</div>
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It's not a total pit. It's not dirty. It's just messy and lived-in. Well loved, well used. Nothing like a Pottery Barn ad. I could clean for 18 hours a day and my son could still undo it in a matter of minutes. </div>
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Sometimes I wish it were cleaner (I'm type A: messes of any kind make me at least a little anxious) but then I remember my friends' house and I feel better. That feeling I had when I was there is the feeling I want him to have at home. Freedom to just be a kid and not worry about how an emptied toy box might affect the adult's psyche.</div>
<br />Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-75276431851074012532013-01-16T18:45:00.001-08:002013-01-16T18:52:18.877-08:00What I learned during one month of veganismAt this point, I have completed one month of vegan eating (with the exception of the time I accidentally ordered a salad topped with cheese, and the time I mindlessly munched through half a bag of popcorn before remembering it had butter on it). It's been a worthwhile experience and a way of eating/living that I would like to continue, in large part because it feels like a contribution that I, as one person, can make towards sustainability. <br />
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Ten things I learned during my 30 day vegan challenge:<br />
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1) It's easier then ever to adopt a vegan lifestyle. Twelve years ago I became a vegetarian, and people thought I was crazy - even though I still consumed dairy products and eggs. They looked at my baked tofu as though they'd never seen such an oddity. Soy milk was only just starting to be offered as a milk substitute at coffee shops and restaurants. But now, vegetarianism is pretty mainstream, and it seems as though veganism is following suit. With the huge array of grains, nuts, legumes, fruits, and veggies offered by even the cheaper grocery stores, crafting a healthy and varied diet is pretty straightforward.<br />
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2) You might need to try a range of milk alternatives before you find one you like. I love almond milk, but other people think it's too thick. Rice milk is thinner but sweet. Soy milk is ubiquitous but - for my taste - a little grainy. Coconut milk is still a new one for me, and I've had it only a couple of times. The point is - there are options, and they're widely available.<br />
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Same goes for ice cream made with said milk alternatives!<br />
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3) Dark chocolate: vegan! Coffee: vegan! Red wine: vegan! One reason this challenge was doable was that I didn't have to give up all of my vices.<br />
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4) Flaxseed makes a great egg substitute. 1 egg = 1 tbsp ground flaxseed + 3 tbsp water. And flaxseed contains much-lauded omega fatty acids.<br />
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5) Things that taste amazing when you're craving something rich and umami, but cheese isn't an option: avocados (especially with a little lime juice and salt). Hummus. Stir fry made with sesame oil, nuts, and tempeh.<br />
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6) Rice and dry beans are relatively inexpensive. For a grad student, this is a big win. Quinoa is a little more expensive, but now that more stores sell it, prices seem to have dropped.<br />
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7) Fresh fruits and veggies are really good at standing on their own or with only a few additional ingredients. That means cooking vegan is easy. For instance: Brussels sprouts, beets, or carrots lightly coated in olive oil and salt and pepper, then roasted. Tomatoes, cucumbers, and avocado chopped up and mixed with a little olive oil, salt, and dill. Baked sweet potato topped with roasted garlic and steamed greens.<br />
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8) Vitamin-fortified cereals are a good way to top off daily recommended amounts of vitamins and minerals (especially iron and vitamin B-12).<br />
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9) Chia seeds may be a wonder food, but my Magic Bullet doesn't do a very good job of incorporating them into smoothies. <br />
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10) With a little planning and preparation, it's possible to be vegan and gluten-free without feeling deprived. If anything, these dietary changes have made me a more adventurous eater and a more confident cook.<br />
Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-35201788788078862952013-01-14T19:06:00.002-08:002013-01-14T19:06:42.723-08:00So tiredIt's only Monday, but I feel like I'm ready for another weekend. I'm exhausted. After getting stuck in traffic at 4 p.m. and inching home through a wintry mix of sleet, snow, and rain, I saw my bed and crashed. Napped for an hour. Now I'm dazed and totally unrefreshed.<br />
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Next time we move, I am living within walking distance of my workplace. End of story. I'm over commuting.<br />
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Things have been stressful at school. There's a lot going on in our labs, and people seem a bit on edge. I've been thinking more about my job search, which will start later this year oh.my.god. It's totally overwhelming. Grad school is going by so incredibly quickly and soon I'll be out there, outside of the little think tank cocoon I've been in for the past three years. Sometimes I feel like I don't really know what I'm doing. I suppose that's normal... Fake it 'til you make it and all.<br />
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I'm a little worried that I'm slightly anemic, despite my efforts to eat leafy greens and fortified cereals.<br />
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I'm a little worried that the dreary weather is getting to me.<br />
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I'm a little worried that I'm biting off more than I can chew.<br />
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And I really wish I could go back to the beach right now.Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-11803315185895954652013-01-12T08:31:00.002-08:002013-01-12T08:39:45.081-08:00Using the Lose It! AppWhen I adopted a gluten free diet/lifestyle/whatever you want to call it three years ago, I lost 10 pounds without trying. It took me a while to figure out what I could actually eat, and in the interim I spent more time hemming and hawing over food labels than actually eating. (Not really, but that's how I felt.) For my height and body type, that weight loss was healthy. I felt great. I thought I'd found my "new normal."<br />
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<b>But as I discovered when I made a first-time-in-months trip to the scale over the holidays, I've regained most of that weight.</b> <a href="http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/antidepressants-weight-gain">Part of it is possibly due to Zoloft: weight gain is a common side effect of it and many other antidepressants.</a> Part of it is more likely due to the fact that I have more food options now than I used to (including processed foods, thanks to the uptick in gluten free snack production). School has become less stressful in the last few months, meaning that I no longer forget to eat on a regular basis. And I consume quite a bit of rice and rice products. Rice is a calorie-dense food; a little goes a long way. It's also possible that I've gained some muscle mass via the Xtend Barre workouts. That's fine - I'll take that muscle - but given that my jeans have become tighter, too, I'm guessing it's not <i>all </i>muscle.<br />
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So I decided to pay closer attention to what I eat - and more importantly, how <i>much</i> I eat - and lose those 10 pounds. To do that, I enlisted the help of a free phone app called <a href="http://www.loseit.com/">Lose It!</a><br />
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Basically, the Lose It! app allows you to track your food consumption, exercise, and weight loss on your phone. You start by setting a goal. I decided on a goal of 1/2 a pound per week for a total of 11 pounds. The program calculates a daily calorie goal:<br />
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Then you just log your food every day. <b>You can either use the search engine, OR you can use your phone to scan the bar codes on food packaging. </b>The program will automatically pull the nutritional information from the bar code and save it! Isn't that cool?</div>
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You can label each food as breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snack. The program tallies the calories for each of those categories.<br />
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Assuming that all of the nutritional information is logged correctly, you can get a daily breakdown of fats, carbs, and protein:<br />
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And then you can track your weight. I've been weighing in every day, just as a motivational tool:<br />
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You can also download summaries and reports to Excel:<br />
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<b>What I like about this app:</b><br />
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<b>1. It's helped me realize (or re-realize) the importance of serving size.</b> Because I eat foods that are generally healthy, I've gotten into the habit of assuming that if it's healthy, I can have as much of it as I want. But three servings of rice at dinner is about 600 calories, which is a huge chunk of my daily caloric needs. Moderation? What?<br />
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<b>2. The bar code scanner is easy to use, and the food search engine is pretty robust. </b>That's nice because I haven't had to spend much time inputting nutritional/calorie information piece by piece. That said, I've noticed that sometimes the scanned nutritional info isn't exactly the same as what's on the packaging, so I double check. Also, the exercise list needs a little fleshing out. Running choices are limited to very specific paces, meaning that I have to round up or down in my estimate of energy burned.<br />
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<b>3. The program saves your food choices to a handy personal food library. </b>For instance, I've been eating oatmeal and almond milk for breakfast. My selected serving size is saved along with all of the other information for these foods, so I just have to tap on those selections and press save. No adjustments necessary unless I change the serving size.<br />
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<b>4. It's visual. </b>I like being able to go to the "Goals" tab and see the graph. It helps me resist the urge to dive into a bag of chips.<br />
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<b>5. It's encouraged me to plan ahead a little more, especially for lunch. </b>I've been assembling my lunch the night before and logging it the morning of. That way, I don't have to stop and do it while at school, and I can make sure I leave enough wiggle room for dinner and snacks.<br />
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Overall, I really like it! It feels weird to be focused on my weight in this way, but I think I needed a bit of a wake up call.Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-10295459600619093682013-01-10T18:08:00.001-08:002013-01-10T18:13:00.054-08:00Thursday Three1. This bar is gluten free, vegan, and amaaaazing:<br />
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I woke up late on Tuesday and had to rush to get to my workout class (if you miss it, they charge you $15!!!). I had this bar and some OJ and was pretty much good to go.<br />
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What I like about the Bonk Breaker is the texture. It's not as gluey as other energy bars, nor is it as sweet as date-based bars.<br />
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2. We finally took down our Christmas tree yesterday. I wrapped up all of the ornaments and placed them in our Christmas decorations bin - the one piece of organization in my entire house.<br />
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Every year we get a new glass ornament. This year it was a snazzy red VW hippie bus:<br />
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I'm sad to see all the pretty lights and baubles go, but I'm glad I made myself do it. Around here, decorations are liable to stay up for months after the actual holiday. <br />
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3. What is up with this whole worst-flu-season-in-10-years thing??? 2/3 of my department are sick. Some of them have the flu and some of them have a stomach bug. Last thing I want is a stomach bug. I have a fear of puking. Like, a real fear. And so I try not to do it. My record for not puking is 13 years - between the time I got the stomach flu in middle school and the time I got food poisoning in grad school. I'd like to break that record.<br />
<br />Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-728466086977263852013-01-05T13:49:00.000-08:002013-01-05T13:49:26.081-08:00What the heck does a gluten-free vegan eat?<b>I'm on Day 19 of the </b><a href="https://secure.peta.org/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=2055" style="font-weight: bold;">PETA 30 Day Vegan Challenge</a>...<b> </b>and so far, it hasn't been nearly as challenging as I'd expected it would be. The rundown on what I gave up:<div>
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<b>Meat, including fish: </b>This wasn't very difficult for me. I've never been all that hooked on meat, thanks to the section in my 5th grade science textbook on the hazards of food-borne illnesses (my mom wasn't too pleased when I came home and started questioning her cooking techniques...) On the rare occasion when I crave meat, it's always for a big, juicy steak, which is something I wouldn't want to consume on a regular basis anyway.</div>
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<b>Milk:</b> I've been drinking milk alternatives, especially almond milk, for a while now. Almond milk tastes rich and creamy (like milk) but not too sweet (unlike ricemilk), and it doesn't have soy's distinctive texture. No problems here, either.</div>
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<b>Yogurt:</b> I mostly miss the convenience of yogurt. It's a great way to get a substantial dose of protein, calcium, and energy in one little bowl. Soy yogurt is readily available, but again, I'm not a fan of the texture. Coconut yogurt is decent, though.</div>
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<b>Eggs:</b> Eggs on their own, I can take or leave. It's harder to avoid them in baked products or things like waffles and pancakes, but I just read labels a little more carefully.</div>
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<b>Cheese: </b>I thought I'd be craving cheese! I've never met a cheese I didn't like, even the stinky, goopy, blue ones. But I'm not hankering for it. Not yet, anyway. I'm most surprised by this particular aspect of my vegan foray.</div>
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Here are some of the things I've been enjoying during this challenge:</div>
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Fruits and vegetables, of course!</div>
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Almond milk. Oatmeal. Sometimes together.</div>
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Carb- and protein-rich basics</div>
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A probiotic drink, since I'm not eating regular yogurt anymore</div>
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Earth Balance spread (a little goes a long way, and it's so good) and corn tortillas</div>
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I feel good and am thinking about extending the challenge another two weeks once this month is up. Am I ready to commit to a total vegan lifestyle? I don't know yet. I have another work trip (with non-veg coworkers) coming up this month, and although I will have access to a refrigerator and microwave, the kitchen situation is a little sparse. So I'm going to try the vegan thing in that situation and see how it goes. If it's too stressful, though, I'll reevaluate. I travel a lot, and as prepared as I try to be in terms of having snacks on hand and planning where to shop, it's not always easy to find food that meets the gluten free/vegan requirement. Nor do my traveling companions always have patience for what some of them see as pickiness.</div>
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<b>Aside from that, though, I am 100 percent behind veganism in that <a href="http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/78/3/660S.long">it supports sustainability</a>, a healthy environment, and animal welfare.</b> And those reasons, too, have been part of the motivation making this challenge pretty straightforward.</div>
Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-37785213996184558592013-01-02T16:47:00.000-08:002013-01-02T16:48:26.076-08:00Resolutions for the new year, and a treadmill workout<b>Happy 2013! </b>Our New Year's celebration was quiet. We got the little man down to bed at a decent time and then we watched a documentary on Netflix called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Water_(film)">Deep Water</a>. It's about a weekend sailor who decided to compete in a first-of-its-kind round-the-world sailing competition in the late 1960s. The ending was totally not what I expected; I couldn't believe I'd never heard of this guy before now.<br />
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We made it to midnight, but barely. Apparently we were not alone. As I checked Facebook, I saw a lot of "It's only 9 p.m. but I can't stay up any longer and by the way I'm officially old"-type posts. </div>
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<b>Resolutions: Do you have any? Or anything you want to do/change in 2013? </b>My only resolution at this point is to keep up the activities and habits I took up in the last part of 2012:</div>
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<li><b>Continue going to Xtend Barre classes 4 times a week</b> (I continue to love, love, love this class... Who knew I'd grow so fond of ballet and Pilates?)</li>
<li><b>Find my next race. </b>5K? Half marathon? Trail run? Not sure yet, but I'm hoping that I'll decide on something close to home, and relatively soon.</li>
<li><b>Finish up my 30-day vegan challenge! </b>I'm on Day 16 (I think), and so far, so good. My only slip-up was when I ordered a salad at Panera and discovered too late that it had feta cheese on it. My least favorite cheese! Argh. I hate wasting food so I ate it anyway. More on the Vegan Challenge in the next few days.</li>
<li><b>And lose a few pounds.</b> I guess that one's new, but I don't want to get too caught up in thinking about it. I'm using the <a href="http://www.loseit.com/">Lose It! app</a> on my iPhone to track my calories and workouts. More on that in the coming weeks, too.</li>
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* * *</div>
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I'm one of those runners who is not too keen on running in supercold weather (and by "supercold," I mean anything less than 30 degrees F - since moving to the South, I've become a winter wimp). <b>I ran on my treadmill instead and made up my own interval workout as I went along.</b> I was pretty happy with it. There was enough variation to keep me from getting too bored. This would be easy to modify based on your own moderate baseline pace:</div>
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<b>Easy Does It 60 Minute Workout:</b></div>
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* 5 minutes walking (moderate effort)</div>
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* 5 minutes 5.5 mph, 2 minutes walking</div>
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* 5 minutes 5.6 mph, 2 minutes walking</div>
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*5 minutes 5.7 mph, 2 minutes walking</div>
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* 5 minutes 5.8 mph, 2 minutes walking</div>
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* 5 minutes 5.9 mph, 2 minutes walking</div>
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* 5 minutes 6.0 mph, 2 minutes walking</div>
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* 1.5 minutes each of 6.0 down to 5.5 mph (9 minutes total)</div>
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* 4 minutes walking</div>
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Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-50914138995354864322012-12-30T17:49:00.000-08:002012-12-30T17:49:37.663-08:00One of the best decisions I made in 2012: antidepressantsI wish that eating well, running, and staying busy were enough to keep depression and anxiety at bay for me, but they aren't. Those are all things I've been doing for years, and still - for years - I had this constant, nagging feeling of <i>Something is wrong with me</i>. I planned my own funeral for fun. I wrote depressing entries in my diary. I made friends and lost them, over and over again. <i>Something is wrong with me.</i> I got angry and threw things. I cried while lying on the floor of the bathroom, light off, door locked. I quit things, changed jobs, viewed moving once every year or two as a perfectly logical approach to dealing with social discomfort. <i>Something is wrong with me.</i><br />
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<b>And yet throughout that time, I looked totally functional to most people. </b>I went to school or work. I excelled in classes and in my jobs. I smiled, bantered, was personable. I maintained my relationship with my husband. I had a kid.<br />
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Few people outside my immediate family knew how much I was struggling. <i>I</i> didn't know how much I was struggling. Periodic bouts of exhaustion, near-constant irritability, and daily anxiety attacks were, from my perspective, just part of the fabric of my personality. And to a certain degree, one gets used to feeling bad when one has felt that way since her early teens. I had enough coping strategies in place (like working really hard, eating well, running, sleeping, zoning out, distancing myself from others if I might go all Jekyll-and-Hyde on them, etc.) that I got by, for the most part. As the years went on I also became adept at hiding what was really going on.<br />
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<b>That's a common theme in mental health: hiding. </b>Which is partly why so many of us who struggle with difficult mental experiences feel so isolated and alone. We don't want to embarrass ourselves, so we compensate by striving to look normal (or better yet, GREAT!); when we<i> do</i> furtively glance over the wall to see if there's anyone else out there, the place looks empty. In reality the mental health landscape is full of people struggling with similar things, all hiding from one another, afraid (often understandably so) to stand up and put it all out there. I think that's slowly changing. Finally.<br />
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<b>I started therapy long before I started taking an antidepressant, a strategy that now seems somewhat backwards. </b>Don't get me wrong: therapy has been invaluable in that it's offered a place where I can dig through my life and identify where, how, and why ineffective habits developed. It's given me tools: I've learned how to set boundaries, be nice to myself, combat negative thoughts, handle conflict, and be more assertive. I needed the therapy; it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. <b>The problem was, implementing these strategies while dealing with full-on depression and anxiety was like trying to build a life raft while in the active process of drowning. </b><br />
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Only after I got in touch with a psychiatrist, received a diagnosis (major depression and PTSD), and started on Zoloft (a relatively reliable, long-studied antidepressant used specifically to treat PTSD, among other conditions) did I realize just how long I'd been on the verge of being pulled under permanently. I'd gotten so used to treading water that I didn't know life's not supposed to be a constant day-to-day, year-to-year struggle. I did recognize that the bad times were growing progressively worse. By last January I was having the conversation with my therapist of, "I won't end my life. But I think about it. But I won't do it. But sometimes I want to just not exist," and him saying, "What you're holding onto is an emergency exit option. As long as that door is open, even just a little, you are in danger."<br />
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It's hard to describe how different my life is now that I am taking that little white pill every morning. Maybe it looks the same from the outside. I'm still doing what I've always done: working hard, running, putting time and effort into my relationships, challenging myself. But from the inside, it's like Extreme Makeover: Headspace Edition. My anxiety is still there, but I'm mostly able to manage it. I still get depressed, but I recognize the warning signs and know to take action before things get really bad. And all the techniques from therapy? Now I can actually put them into practice on a consistent basis. (Turns out, positive self-talk really works, if you can make yourself do it!)<br />
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Sometimes it's hard to remember what it used to be like. I<b> do find myself wondering why I couldn't pull it together, <i>why I made things so hard for myself.</i></b> But then I'll read an old journal entry or think back to one of my earlier sessions in therapy, and I'll remember that I <i>didn't</i> do this to myself, that I was working as hard as I possibly could to fix my brain. I couldn't save myself no matter how much CBT, EMDR, or western meditation I did. A person with two broken arms might know everything about what it takes to construct a house; she might have all the tools, all the blueprints. But unless her broken arms are set and have a chance to heal, there's no way she's going to be able to actively use her arms to build it.<br />
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That's what medicine has done for me: it's put me in a place where my brain can rest long enough to (hopefully) get better. Sometimes I do wonder whether I will ever be able to stop taking Zoloft. Part of me believes it's just a temporary support beam, and that if I can just use this time to reconstruct and galvanize my way of thinking, I'll eventually be able to remove that support. Another part of me worries that if I ever stop, the whole thing will collapse. At any rate, I'm not ready to quit medication just yet. It's working for me; if it's working, why stop? The statistics also give me pause. Depression is one of those things where if you experience it a couple of times, you're likely to experience it again in the future, and it might be worse the next time.<br />
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Of course, every person's experiences are unique, and that's certainly true when it comes to antidepressants. I've read that for some people, they don't work; some people have side effects that negate the positive outcomes; other people do well on them for awhile, and then the medication loses its effectiveness. For all I know, Zoloft might lose its oomph for me, too. <b>But for now, I'm just grateful that it's working. It's one of the best - perhaps <i>the</i> best - decision I made this year.</b><br />
<br />Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-4610283809878065472012-12-28T19:15:00.000-08:002012-12-28T19:17:52.899-08:00Marginally-Homemade Vegan Chocolate NibblesI have an issue with vegan energy bars, and it's that most of them (with the exception of <a href="http://www.zingbars.com/flavors-and-types/">Zing bars</a>, which are my absolute favorite but which are expensive and not readily available around here) are date-based. Dates are tasty, but they're also texturally dense and very sweet. When you add to that things like dried cherries, walnuts, and agave, they turn into brick-like sugarbombs.<br />
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<b>If I had to pick a favorite - Zing not included - it would be the Pure Bar:</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDmw7YQq5GQMzmcE7p9dic86kC9cwnc15vULrzAWFd7HM-rXQKSwQEzkwxohjsxR0rC3tTGhloTMQffRu5xzStQ43Id4WF6DQjC79jrGcN4lD3OPbFkMdBz3fITjBde3lXp5FK3sHo_T8/s1600/IMG_3294.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDmw7YQq5GQMzmcE7p9dic86kC9cwnc15vULrzAWFd7HM-rXQKSwQEzkwxohjsxR0rC3tTGhloTMQffRu5xzStQ43Id4WF6DQjC79jrGcN4lD3OPbFkMdBz3fITjBde3lXp5FK3sHo_T8/s320/IMG_3294.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiatXRUCfowS5uyW3YISW8p_y6AeVGo7pB5Rsnhecyrd3derdRwUUFEzs2PUYUhCPvvriMjokovalIuH8SVc-B3zO0w7umdXrx-tYMnNgtP_yWHV3IPPgZRJgAoB7YtE1xY9IsdrIafsyw/s1600/IMG_3295.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiatXRUCfowS5uyW3YISW8p_y6AeVGo7pB5Rsnhecyrd3derdRwUUFEzs2PUYUhCPvvriMjokovalIuH8SVc-B3zO0w7umdXrx-tYMnNgtP_yWHV3IPPgZRJgAoB7YtE1xY9IsdrIafsyw/s320/IMG_3295.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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The chocolate one especially. It doesn't really taste like a brownie to me, contrary to what the package says, but the cocoa cuts the sweetness a bit. The cherry cashew is... okay. When I'm desperate for a quick snack in the middle of the day, I'll eat one if it's the only carb-y thing around. </div>
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But still... These things have heft, and once I eat one, I can feel the heft in my stomach. See? Dense, dense, dense:</div>
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<b>However, they make a fantastic base for quick and easy chocolate nibbles. </b>All you need is a bar and some dark chocolate. I use Trader Joe's: it melts well, and it's inexpensive:<br />
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Cut the bars up into little bite-size pieces...<br />
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...and then melt a few of the chocolate bars in the microwave. Heat on medium-high for 2-3 minutes, stirring once every minute.<br />
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Then just drizzle the chocolate over the bites. My five-year-old son did this part - his method was to dot each bite with a glob of chocolate. My method is to cover the whole thing (chocolate everywhere!), but I like how his chocolate dribbled over the sides. He did, too: he now fancies himself quite the pastry chef.<br />
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So easy, a Kindergartner can do it! (He loves stuff like this.)<br />
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I'll keep them in the refrigerator and have them as dessert for the next few days. Two or three bites are enough to make me feel satisfied and chocolate-happy.<br />
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This "recipe" makes Sandra Lee's creations look like food worthy of the French Laundry.</div>
Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-684139684966949892012-12-26T16:01:00.000-08:002012-12-26T16:12:24.869-08:00A Most Fantastic Present: The RunnerBox<b>I love giving gifts but I generally suck at picking them out.</b> This is especially true when it comes to my husband, my parents, and my brother's family. I consistently end up finding stuff that *I* want, but for everyone else, it's a crapshoot. And although I'm loath to give gift cards, sometimes that's the best I can do.<br />
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My husband is one of those people who's hard to buy for because he doesn't want a lot of <i>stuff</i>. That's something I love about him, but it makes gifty holidays a little challenging. Things I do not buy for him:</div>
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<li><b>Clothing.</b> No t-shirts, no sweaters, definitely no pants or shoes. I did manage to get him a running jacket he liked last year, but I was very careful to include the gift receipt and was pleasantly surprised when he did not use it.</li>
<li><b>Power tools.</b> I'm much more likely to wield a drill or a hammer than he is.</li>
<li><b>Books. </b></li>
<li><b>Anything even remotely related to man-scaping.</b></li>
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<b>Things I know he likes:</b></div>
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<li><b>Peet's Coffee. </b>But at $14+ per pound, I'm hesitant to splurge for it.</li>
<li><b>Gift certificates to running stores and Hammer Nutrition. </b>Useful, but not very creative.</li>
<li><b>Apple products. </b>Too expensive. </li>
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I was at a loss this year until I read a review of <a href="http://therunnerbox.com/">The RunnerBox</a> at <a href="http://yomommaruns.blogspot.com/2012/12/runnerbox-subscription-review-and.html">Yo Momma Runs</a>. <b>The RunnerBox is a subscription that entitles the recipient to a box of running-related goodies every other month.</b> I knew immediately that my running-addicted husband would love it. Staci of the RunnerBox team mailed the first shipment the day after I placed the order. When I had an issue with PayPal, Staci also got to work on the problem, resolved it within hours, and kept me posted. I had the gift in hand by Christmas Eve; I didn't have to do much in the way of wrapping it because it came with a gift card, a ribbon, and a little gift-topper. I definitely got the sense that these folks care about the quality of the product and customer service.</div>
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<b>RunnerBox pics</b> <a href="http://yomommaruns.blogspot.com/2012/12/runnerbox-subscription-review-and.html">(Yo Momma Runs has more detailed ones):</a></div>
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The box came with lots of goodies, including tea, a reflector, gum, gels, protein powders, and other stuff that my husband is excited to try out:<br />
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I plan to steal some of these from him:<br />
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I've already stolen this:<br />
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This would be perfect for anyone who enjoys running, and particularly for someone who's new to running or training for a race. What great motivation! Plus, who doesn't love the anticipation of waiting for a present in the mail? :-)</div>
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Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-90294092925957860212012-12-25T14:52:00.003-08:002012-12-25T15:05:48.333-08:00A Very Vegan ChristmasMerry Christmas and/or happy holidays, depending on what you celebrate. Regardless, I hope you get to spend this time of year with people you love.<br />
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My parents are in town to help celebrate, and yesterday I made a whole vegan spread for dinner. (Today is Day 8 of my 30 Day Vegan Challenge.)</div>
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<b><a href="http://www.chow.com/recipes/27588-basic-roasted-acorn-squash">1. Acorn squash with salt, pepper, and brown sugar:</a></b></div>
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This was super easy. The hardest part was simply cutting the squash in half. Had anyone been watching me try to slice through this thing with a butcher knife, I would have probably given them a heart attack. Thankfully it all worked out.<br />
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<b>2. Steamed mustard, turnip, and collard greens with sweet onions, grape tomatoes, and yellow squash:</b><br />
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I didn't use a recipe for this one. I just made it up as I went along. I heated up the onions, then the tomatoes and the squash; this lent some sweetness to the pan. Then I added the greens and steamed it all on low for about 10 minutes or so. It takes a while for these types of leaves to soften up.<br />
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<b>3. Roasted beets, carrots, and brussels sprouts:</b><br />
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Another easy one. I coated the brussels sprouts and carrots with a couple tablespoons of olive oil and then sprinkled in salt and pepper. I did the same to the beets, but separately to minimize getting beet juice everywhere (still happened during the cooking process, though). Then I roasted the mixture at 400F for ~30 minutes.<br />
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<b>4. Smashed potatoes:</b><br />
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I peeled the potatoes and cooked them in the microwave until they were soft. Then I squished them up using a potato masher and added Earth Balance spread (not too much, since it tends to be a bit oily) and almond milk (probably between 1 and 1 1/2 cups in total).<br />
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Also, I purchased a crusty loaf of bread for everyone else's enjoyment. I heated it up, sliced it, and slathered a piece of it with butter for my son. Kid looked like he was in gluten heaven.<br />
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<b>Verdict:</b> I thought it was fantastic; the best thing was feeling full and satisfied, but not stuffed. My mom said she loved it. My husband seemed to enjoy it, especially the potatoes. My dad... Not so much. This was not his idea of a traditional Christmas dinner. Or traditional Christmas anything, given that we do not go to church or attend a Christmas Eve service. I have to be really careful not to let myself fall into the "I never do anything right" thing with them.<br />
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But whatever. You come to my house, you get to eat my hippie granola food and do the holidays our way. In the end, I hope they realize that we do have common ground - not in food, not in spiritual beliefs or practices, not in income, but in family and in doing our best for the kids in our family.<br />
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Anyway, have a wonderful day! I hope you get to eat, and rest, and share, and get all of the things you need and at least a few of the things you want.Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-72890285188061899112012-12-22T18:58:00.000-08:002012-12-22T19:00:31.768-08:00Saturday Six; Vegan Days 3-51. My family came into town today. <b>One thing that I've noticed since being in therapy, taking antidepressants, and learning how to set boundaries is that I can now handle having my relatives in my home for extended periods of time (and by "extended," I mean six hours or so, tops). </b>This has not always been the case. Used to be that having them here for even half an hour sent me into a tailspin of anxiety, depression, and dissociation. The most important thing for me is not letting them infiltrate my own space: whereas we used to have them stay in our house, we now ask them to stay in a hotel. Although somewhat inconvenient, it works out so much better for everyone.<br />
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Confession: as healthy as that all sounds, I was kind of a mess yesterday. When it comes to my family, panic attacks are my autopilot measure.<br />
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2. Another confession: while they are in town, we have plenty of libation on hand. Alcohol does serve its purpose at the holidays. I did not learn this in therapy. </div>
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This is one of my favorite inexpensive wines - mostly because it tastes good, but I also do love the label. :-)</div>
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3. One of my students from this past semester sent me a hand-written thank you card. My grades have been in for two weeks and she's already received her updated transcript, so it's not like she was doing this to win favors. I have to give her props. Maybe one day I'll make writing personalized thank-you messages a goal; as it is, I'm happy if we manage to get the water bill in the mail.</div>
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<b>4. Paper snowflakes: I love them.</b></div>
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<b>5. Today was Day 5 of the 30 Day Vegan Challenge. So far, so good! </b></div>
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Breakfast: GF granola cereal with almond milk</div>
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Snack: Almond milk (!) latte at the new cafe in town... This is the first time I've been to a local place that offers almond milk</div>
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Lunch: GF pasta (Trader Joe's brand, which is pretty good) and sauce with an apple on the side</div>
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Snack: Orange and a Larabar</div>
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Dinner: Sauerkraut with potatoes, green beans, and mushrooms. Sauerkraut: smells stinky, tastes delish, yay for fermented food.</div>
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I'm reminded that this whole vegan thing isn't an issue for me as long as I have access to the food I like/need and a way to cook it. I'm not craving meat or dairy so far. In the long run, I think cheese will be the toughest thing: I do love a good stinky cheese.</div>
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6. To offset the calorie count: mat Pilates last night (first time doing a bona-fide Pilates class) and an Xtend Barre class today. After two weeks of being away, I'm sore.</div>
Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-70279020096479980492012-12-20T10:47:00.001-08:002012-12-20T10:52:11.035-08:00Home Again; Vegan Challenge, Days 1 and 2I'm home, I'm home! I'm so happy to be home. This trip to California felt really long, even though it was similar in length to other trips I've taken. While I did appreciate the opportunity to gather some much-needed data for my dissertation research, and while I definitely appreciated the opportunity to hang out in such a lovely place, it seemed like I was gone for a month, not 12 days.<br />
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Overall, it was a good trip. I never felt overly lonely, and I was able to go out, run, and enjoy the fresh air quite often. I also indulged in activities that are more difficult when I'm home with an active five-year-old - namely, eating dinner in bed while watching <i>Sister Wives</i> and <i>Catfish</i> uninterrupted. There's something to be said for that.</div>
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But I missed my little man, and my husband, and now that I'm back, our holiday can actually start. </div>
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<b>I'm on Day 3 of the 30 Day Vegan Challenge. </b>So far, so good. Days 1 and 2 involved some creative meal planning using food from the motel's free breakfast (coffee, juice, cereal, granola bars), quick-cook meals from Trader Joe's, and a pomelo that took me approximately 24 minutes to peel (I was feeling ambitious and adventurous with that one; in the end, it tasted okay).</div>
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<b>Something I've learned so far: I do not like soy yogurt. </b>At all. Too gluey, and it tastes like... pasty beans. Not my thing. But this heat-and-serve rice noodle soup with edamame crackers was easy and yummy.<br />
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<b>The highlight of Day 2 was a stop at the <a href="http://www.mariposabaking.com/">Mariposa Baking Company</a> in San Francisco's Ferry Building. </b>MBC makes entirely gluten-free breads and goodies. It was on the way to the airport, so I got off the BART at Embarcadero, indulged, and then headed to SFO with a full, happy belly.</div>
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Drool, drool, drool:<br />
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<b>Everything was gluten free, of course, but a lot of it was also vegan. </b>For lunch, I ordered the vegan empanadas with a side salad (complete with GF croutons):<br />
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<b>PERFECTION. </b>The curry filling consisted of potatoes, tomatoes, and Indian spices:<br />
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And... I also splurged on a carton of <a href="http://www.mariposabaking.com/collections/cakes-1/products/penguino">Penguinos</a>, which are akin to (and probably inspired by) the cream-filled Hostess chocolate cupcakes - but even more moist and delicious. </div>
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<b>Plans for the day include:</b></div>
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-Continuing to lay around in my pajamas</div>
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-Going downtown to select our yearly family ornaments (we pick a couple nice ones for Christmas every year)</div>
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-Doing laundry. Maybe.</div>
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-Resting my knee, which was SUPER sore on the plane yesterday. It felt fine when I did my pre-flight run in Berkeley in the morning, but by the third leg of the flight, it ached a lot.</div>
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Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-11159650260920515112012-12-17T23:05:00.002-08:002012-12-18T14:11:53.132-08:00Vegan for 30 days: Day 1 starts tomorrow!I've been thinking a lot about veganism. It's something I tried this past summer and fall, and for much of that time, I felt really good about not eating animal products. <b>My primary reason for going vegan was sustainability: calorie for calorie, a plant-based diet is better for the environment in that growing crops requires less water, creates less pollution, requires less energy, and supports more people than does raising animals for food.</b><br />
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Veganism didn't stick - but somewhat surprisingly, it wasn't because I couldn't say no to a slab of steak or a grilled cheese sandwich. I like to cook, I like fresh produce, I'm addicted to rice and beans, and I still had my dark chocolate and coffee (which I absolutely refuse to give up, ever). I was fine with giving up animal products. Rather, it was because I started to feel like a giant pain in the ass whenever I ate with people other than my immediate family. Keep in mind that I also follow a gluten free diet, for health reasons (reasons like, I don't like having headaches every day and sinus infections once every month or two, and I do not enjoy stabbing pain in my stomach). So that meant that whenever I went out to eat with friends, or attended a party, it would turn into this big <i>THING. </i><br />
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<b>Let's go out to for lunch/dinner!</b><br />
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<b>Oh wait. You can't eat gluten. So where can we go? [This alone causes unnecessary drama way more often than I'd like, despite the fact that the vast majority of restaurants/eateries now have GF options of some sort.]</b><br />
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<b>Uhhhhh AND you can't eat meat? Really?</b><br />
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<b>Or <i>cheese</i>? No dairy at all?</b><br />
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<b>...Eggs? <i>NO?</i></b><br />
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<b>Oh god. That really limits our options.</b><br />
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And that's when this is going on in a major metropolitan area. This doesn't include the issues that unfold when I'm on a field trip and my advisor wants to cook camp food for everyone, every night, or when people invite my family to dinner and want to know what they should cook.<br />
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I really DON'T want it to cause drama, and yet it so often does. And I hate - HATE - inconveniencing people. Just the sense that I'm creating problems makes me feel horribly guilty, like I'm draining all the fun and all of the options out of the event. Then it degenerates into me wanting to crawl under a table, covering my ears and rocking back and forth. Really.<br />
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So I gave up on veganism, somewhat reluctantly but also with some relief from a social standpoint. I tried to stick to organic dairy products, free range eggs, and meat from farms that supposedly treat animals properly - though of course, depending on the situation and where I was, I didn't always have much control over that.<br />
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<b>Then, two days ago, I watched the documentary <a href="http://www.getvegucated.com/">Vegucated</a>.</b> It wasn't the most engaging documentary about food I've ever seen - it was no <a href="http://www.takepart.com/foodinc">Food, Inc.</a> - but it definitely made me reconsider veganism. One thing this movie did that others have not is look at the truth behind labels like "organic" and "free range" and similar terms carefully chosen to make the consumer feel good about her food choices. For example: "free range" doesn't necessarily mean than birds are allowed to freely roam the farm. More like, they're not stuffed into cages but instead have to trip over their cohorts and walk through mounds of poop in giant indoor chicken pens. Those same "free range" facilities may still cut off the beaks of chickens and chop up live male chicks for cat food. Another example: Even cows that are not stuffed with antibiotics may have their babies taken away from them and, if they get sick, are often put down with a bolt to the head.<br />
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More than the horrible video footage, I was disgusted by the hypocrisy. Companies KNOW that most consumers aren't aware of what goes on behind the scenes, and they take advantage of that.<br />
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I'm not saying that every meat or dairy farmer, or every food purveyor, operates in a hypocritical way. But I don't feel like having to dig for the truth every time I purchase an animal product. So, considering the environmental issues I already mentioned, and the health benefits I haven't touched on, <b>I decided to go back to veganism for 30 days to see how it goes. I took the PETA 30 day challenge. </b>I know that my friends and extended family have their own point of view, and I know I may end up inconveniencing some of them (especially at the holidays!). But this is something I want to try, and I hope the people will try to understand my reasons for it.<br />
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30 days starts tomorrow! My breakfast plans include a coconut milk "yogurt" with granola, orange juice, and of course coffee.<br />
<br />Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-4230834801927052522012-12-16T20:53:00.001-08:002012-12-16T20:54:46.382-08:00Things I love about running: continuityOne thing I love about running is that it keeps me centered when I travel. <b>Running gives me a sense of continuity when everything else - the climate, the food, the atmosphere, the people I'm around - is different from what I experience in my everyday life. </b><br />
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I've been traveling a lot lately: several days per month on average. The trips are necessary and beneficial from a professional point of view, but they can be difficult because sometimes being away from home makes me feel like I'm losing my connection to myself. My brain starts getting kind of fragmented. The worst case of that occurred during a work trip last June; when I came home, I felt so depressed and out of it that I spent a week in bed. I don't want that to happen again.<br />
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<b>Running helps.</b> Wherever I am, I can put on my Asics, head out the door, and physically/mentally feel just as I do when I run at home or anywhere else. I am so grateful for that. I do not know what I'd do on these trips if I weren't a runner.</div>
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Here in Berkeley, I ran 6 miles yesterday and 7 miles today. I loved how the damp, drizzly air felt as I breathed it in, and how the bay looked from the hills above the university. I loved how the leaves on some of the maple trees are still a brilliant red. I loved seeing so many people out walking, biking, and running on a weekend morning. Running has been one of my favorite things to do here and a great way to see the city.</div>
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<i>Berkeley Hills</i></div>
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<i>I love the neighborhoods here. I love how the houses are all so unique and how the trees are so grown.</i></div>
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Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-27127208447388579242012-12-14T20:53:00.000-08:002012-12-14T20:53:21.848-08:00Inadequate words on a tragic day<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Today a young man shot and killed 20 elementary school students. Little kids. The same age as my son. Of all the horrible acts of violence that have happened in the last few years, I think this is the one I understand the least. It makes my brain reel. I was doing all sorts of things today, and doing them sufficiently well I guess, but my mind was half somewhere else. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">It was one of those days where, when I looked at someone else walking down the street, and he or she looked back, there was an immediate connection, an understanding, because we were reminded of our common bond as human beings. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I believe that there's no such thing as "evil." I think that when we label someone else as evil, we do two things: we make them the "other," someone who has little to nothing common with us; and we strip them of a certain level of basic responsibility. After all, the purpose of Evil is... to be evil. "Evil" seems like this force that comes from outside the human realm, something we can't extinguish. But the truth is that normal, everyday people - people like me and like you - can do truly horrible, unspeakable things. They aren't monsters. Their purpose in life was not to create suffering, but those are the acts they chose for whatever reason (abuse in their own life, trauma, mental illness), and in turn they pass on their suffering to others.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I could talk about gun control (I have strong feelings about that) and I could talk about the importance of mental health support (strong feelings about that too), but ultimately, what's wrong here is much deeper than that. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">If we are not happy, if we are not peaceful, we cannot share peace and happiness with others, even those we love, those who live under the same roof. If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace." - Thich Nhat Hanh</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Defunct pier, Berkeley marina</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;">"No-one got the instructions. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; line-height: 18px;">That is the secret of life. Everyone is flailing around, winging it most of the time, trying to find the way out, or through, or up, without a map. This lack of instruction manual is how most people develop compassion, and how they figure out to show up, care, help and serve, as the only way of filling up and being free. Otherwise you grow up to be someone who needs to dominate and shame others so no one will know that you weren't there the day the instructions were passed out.”</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"> - Anne Lamott</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">End of the pier, Berkeley marina</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><i>San Francisco Bay</i></span></span></div>
Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-60693286484816695862012-12-05T14:40:00.000-08:002012-12-05T14:40:18.280-08:00Daydreaming, Part 2: AdventureOne time, I sailed as a deckhand from England to the Canary Islands on a tall ship. It took about a month, and we had to cross the Bay of Biscay, otherwise known as the "Bay of Sickbay" because of its stomach-lurching effects.<div>
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It was a really amazing trip - one of the biggest adventures I'll ever have, I'm sure. Things I best remember: drinking hot chocolate on the deck at midnight when I wasn't on watch, the brightness and density of the stars over the pitch black ocean, getting chased down the hall by a misplaced vacuum cleaner during a gale-force storm (one of two we experienced), getting hit so hard by a wave during the middle of the night that the water rushed into my Wellies and soaked everything I was wearing, learning to tie knots and stow rope, climbing up to the top of the main mast (terrifying), the weird things the British cook made us for breakfast and dinner.</div>
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It was pretty fantastic. I think I was happy and focused for 99.99% of that trip. Except that one time when the first mate yelled at me for not tying up a tarp as taut as it needed to be. Oh, and the time the cook made us eat hard-boiled eggs wrapped in stuffing and cornflakes. That was weird.</div>
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I love what I am doing now because I still get to have adventures. I get to spend time in the middle of nowhere and hike around for days on end. I get to travel. Sometimes I get to see places that I couldn't see as a tourist, simply because my studies give me a kind of "all access pass." I get to eat food cooked over a campfire. Every now and then I do things that don't seem very safe at all, which I both hate and love. Usually, at least one odd and unsettling (but ultimately harmless) thing happens on every adventure, and it makes for a good story later on.</div>
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And then I get to come home, be a mom, hang out with my kid and husband, go to school, work out, clean my house, go to the grocery store, fret over the balance in the checking account, and make dinner. All that is an adventure, too.</div>
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<b>What are some of the adventurous things you do, either in your everyday life or once in a blue moon? What are the things that make your life awesome, that give you meaning, purpose, memories, adrenaline?</b></div>
Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-70178253269413379342012-12-02T19:07:00.001-08:002012-12-02T19:20:21.425-08:00By the numbers2: number of scoops of ice cream I ate last night (coffee + effervescent cherry sorbet)<br />
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4: number of additional ice cream samples the lady behind the counter "made" me try (dark chocolate peppermint, sweet potato and marshmallow, bourbon maple, and something with beer). I roughed it out and licked those sample spoons clean.<br />
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9: miles ran/jogged this weekend<br />
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3: fitness class torture-fests I took part in last week<br />
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1: completed application submitted<br />
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1.5: glasses of wine consumed today<br />
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5: clementine oranges going in my lunch bag for tomorrow<br />
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3: average number of times I run the dryer before my husband gets annoyed and folds the clothes himself<br />
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1: free cup of coffee I'm getting tomorrow by bringing in my empty coffee bag<br />
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4: days until my next trip<br />
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12: days I'm going to be away from home (booooo)<br />
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1: cheap snow globe that was dropped and shattered over the weekend <br />
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1000000: bits of smashed snow globe glass<br />
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7: gluten-free pancakes eaten by five-year-old this morningStationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-16949667407506146472012-11-28T19:30:00.001-08:002012-11-28T19:30:24.961-08:00Best news of the week so farNot related to the best news of the week so far, BUT: I'm feeling better about the marathon. First of all, <b>I FINISHED A MARATHON</b>. So right there I should feel pretty good. Moreover, I felt great for most of it and my pace - for most of it - was consistent. Also, <a href="http://runitfast.com/2012/11/28/space-coast-marathon-medal-2012/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter">the Space Coast Marathon has fabulous medals</a>.<div>
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This is not to say that I am totally pleased with how everything went, but at least now I'm not borderline despondent. I'm already thinking about the next marathon and what I can do to avoid the mistakes I made this time around.<br /><div>
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<b>The plan from here:</b></div>
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<li><b>Lots of Xtend Barre for the next couple of weeks. </b>I went to a class tonight and was surprised that I could still plie, given how sore my quads have been (yesterday I could barely walk on anything but a flat surface; I nearly took a header stepping off a curb)</li>
<li><b>Run tomorrow and/or Friday </b>- short runs of ~3-4 miles</li>
<li>Sunday: <b>Longer run of 6ish miles</b></li>
<li><b>Next week:</b> start ramping into post-marathon training</li>
<li><b>End of December/beginning of January:</b> start training for next marathon (likely one at the end of March)</li>
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<b><i>Does anyone know of a good training plan for after a marathon? </i></b>I want to give myself time to recover from the 26.2, but I also want to maintain my fitness level. In particular, I want to be able to continue doing long runs that are between 10 and 16 miles.</div>
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<b>Best news of the week so far: </b>I found out that my town offers a shuttle to and from the city. I tried it out yesterday, and it felt like heaven! Comfy seats on a tour-type bus, CNN on the bus televisions, electrical outlets for plugging in my computer, and the best thing: I didn't have to deal with the traffic. I just sat there in my plush chair, drank my coffee, and started a report I've been meaning to get to. The ride back in the evening was much the same.</div>
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Commuting has been an enormous stressor for me. Traffic around here is truly awful. I've lived in the Bay area, which is notorious for its traffic, but I honestly think it's worse here. At least twice a week I end up stuck behind an accident, usually involving one person rear-ending another right in the middle of the highway. Even without accidents, there's the normal rush hour slowdown and the folks who insist on going 20 miles under the speed limit in the middle lanes. Aside from the focus, grit, and patience it takes to deal with driving, the other thing that wears me out about commuting is that it is a daily two-hour time sink. I try to use the drive as a time to plan out my day and listen to music, but there are so many other things I'd rather be doing with those hours. At least on the bus, I'd have time to get a few things done, read some books, catch up with the news...</div>
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The price of the commuter bus is a little steep at $4 one way. I think the way to really take advantage of this would be to buy a ticket packet, which is offered at a discount, and ride the shuttle on a regular basis. In the long term, I'm pretty sure we'd save money on gas, car repairs, and parking. </div>
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Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-43101381177028578612012-11-26T07:30:00.001-08:002012-11-26T07:30:46.655-08:00Marathon: I'm going to need time to work through itThe Space Coast Marathon was yesterday. We finished in 4:42 and some change. The first 21 miles went really well; we ran between a 10 and 10:30 pace, hydrated properly, ate a few gels, and cheered on the faster runners who had already looped back around (it is an out-and-back course). RF and I wore matching shirts and shorts, and everyone kept calling us "the twins," which was kind of fun/funny - especially since I am about 30 pounds heavier than she is, and 7 years older.<br />
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Between miles 21 and 22, I hit the wall. It happened so quickly and suddenly that I truly did not see it coming. One second I felt fine. The next, it was all I could do to keep putting one foot in front of the other. My legs felt like concrete and my brain shut down. I did not want people to cheer me on. I did not want RF's encouragement. I wanted to be invisible so that I could fight my way through the last few miles entirely on my own. At one point a well-meaning spectator yelled at us to go faster and it was all I could do not to turn and scream "FUCK YOU" while flipping her off.<br />
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A weird thing happened with RF around mile 23 or 24. She was clearly feeling totally fine, and her chipper comments to me and to the other runners were wearing on me. I knew I was holding her back and I felt horribly horribly guilty about it. So in addition to the mental challenge of simply continuing, there was also this overpowering sense that I was failing her. I asked her to please run on ahead, and I meant it. It would have made me feel better - less guilty and more focused. In no way was I testing her loyalty. She refused. A few minutes later I asked her again, and she turned and snapped at me, saying that I was trying to make her feel bad. <br />
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At that point it was all I could do not to cry. I also hyperventilated a few times - literally could not breathe, and had to pull to the side and put my head between my knees.<br />
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In the end, the physical pain was manageable, but the mental/emotional confusion was nearly intolerable. Truth is, I cried at the finish line, cried in the shower, took a break from crying to eat lunch, and then cried for two straight hours in the car. And it wasn't crying out of relief or crying because the race was hard (which it was)... It felt more like the kind of crying that taps into old sadness.<br />
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I can't say I feel particularly good about the marathon. I know we went out to fast; had we reined it in more, I would have had more gas in the tank at the end. So I feel bad that I did not follow common running sense. I know my friend was capable of a faster time, and the way she kept checking her watch made me think she wanted to do more than finish. I don't really understand what happened to me mentally at the end; it was much worse than the soreness in my legs. And I feel bad for not having a more positive feeling about this run. Why can't I have a sense of accomplishment? Why do I have to be so negative?<br />
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My outlook might change in the next few days, and I'm going to give it time. Right now my brain is just worn out.Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-25732253949890370792012-11-21T17:49:00.001-08:002012-11-21T18:02:07.908-08:00This marathon brought to you by NEONThe marathon is on Sunday.<br />
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It's Wednesday night. </div>
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This tapering is making me crazy!</div>
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I wish I could run it tomorrow - not because I want to get it over with but because I am just so darn excited about this thing. I may not feel that way at mile 22, of course, but I'm pumped about the challenge. Plus, I really want to run. It's weird to go from doing weeks of 40-50 miles to weeks of ~10-15 miles.</div>
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This is the Space Coast Marathon, so RF and I have decided to go with a neon theme. Because, you know. Space = aliens. Aliens = neon. Or something. For whatever reason, the neon seems entirely appropriate.</div>
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My running outfit is all planned out:</div>
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Neon yellow socks.</div>
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Bright pink sleeves for the first few miles when it's cold (this thing starts at 6:15 a.m.! I'm going to freeze.)</div>
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Neon yellow and pink shirt, which we plan to decorate with neon pink duct tape.</div>
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Neon headband.</div>
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Neon fingernail polish.</div>
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Oh, and shorts. They're not shown here, but not because I plan on running pantless. They're pretty understated and nondescript compared to everything else. I wish I could do more of a costume-type thing, but I've never tried that before, even for a short run. So that'll have to wait until I'm more marathon-savvy.<br />
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Now that that's all planned out, I can go back to watching Honey Boo Boo and twiddling my thumbs.</div>
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AHHHHH!</div>
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Is it normal to feel like a Chihuahua on crack three days out from a marathon? </div>
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Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8658739644837384652.post-89659814074292405742012-11-15T20:02:00.002-08:002012-11-15T20:07:51.138-08:00Depression, etc.: How important is a diagnosis?At my second therapy session three-ish years ago - right after Therapy Guy finished my intake questionnaire - I asked him what was wrong with me. I wanted a diagnosis. I'd already done my research and had narrowed down the possibilities, so I was quite prepared to handle whatever answer he gave.<br />
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"There is <i>nothing</i> <i>wrong</i> with you," he responded. </div>
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Except that answer.</div>
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It pissed me off. A lot. How did <i>he</i> know? Had he lived inside <i>my</i> head for the past two decades? Nope. I knew something was not right. He simply didn't know me well enough. Because if he did, he would surely see that there was something very, very, very wrong.</div>
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Now that I am familiar with him and his compassionate, kind nature, I know that what he <i>didn't</i> mean was, <i>You're making all this up. You're just some thirtysomething suburbanite with too much time on her hands, and you don't need to be here. </i>Instead, what he meant was, <i>You are perfectly fine and worthy just as you are - you just don't believe it yet. You may be struggling but you can make your life better. </i></div>
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For a long time, he would give some version of the "There's nothing wrong with you" statement every time I asked him what my problem was. Even when I brought in journal entries that made me sound insane. Even when I cut myself. Even when I called him really late at night from two time zones away, crying into his voicemail. He always insisted that I was an acceptable person, deserving of concern and care, and that there was nothing innately wrong or bad about me.</div>
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Therapy Guy is not a big fan of the psychiatric diagnostic manual. He views it as a collection of symptoms ("experiences," he calls them) packaged in a variety of convenient ways. Patients in the mental health system are typically labeled with one of these "experience packages," even though everyone's set of experiences is unique, and even though the labels are often given for the primary purpose of appeasing insurance providers. That is why Therapy Guy doesn't deal with insurance companies, and why he treats the individual, not a diagnosis. I see what he means: looking at the diagnostic manual, I could probably give myself a whole slew of labels, and yet none of them would really fit exactly what I deal with.</div>
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On the other hand, his reluctance to offer a diagnosis has always bothered me a little, and when I finally did receive one from my psychiatrist early this year, it was kind of a relief. I deal with symptoms of depression. I deal with symptoms of PTSD. And while that doesn't mean I equate them with who I am or the change I am capable of, yes, it's really nice to have a framework of reference from which to work. (I now realize that Therapy Guy was already working within that general framework, so it's not as if I was totally off track in terms of trying to get better.) My psychiatrist's choice of antidepressant - Zoloft - was based on research indicating that it is effective for PTSD. That's why she picked it as a starting point for me. Pharmaceutically, it gave us a place to begin.</div>
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Moreover, it's nice to feel that I am not alone. When I hear someone say that they struggle with depression or PTSD, I know that even though our experiences aren't exactly the same, we share some common ground. I can relate to the challenge. It's comforting. The label - while limiting in some ways, and inadequate - creates a sense of community, and for people like me who often feel isolated and different, that sense of community is meaningful to me.</div>
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The important thing to realize about mental health diagnoses (as with many physical health diagnoses) is that they aren't necessarily permanent. Mental health is a fluid thing, and our personal choices play a big role in it. Most psychiatric conditions are treatable. Doesn't mean treatment is easy, but it's possible. So even though I was diagnosed with PTSD in February, I may not always have PTSD (there are many, many excellent treatments for PTSD; with enough time and support, people do recover). And even though I may have a genetic predisposition to depression, I may be able - with help and vigilance - to avoid the worst relapses. </div>
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As Therapy Guy likes to say, <i>People have an immense capacity for change.</i></div>
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Stationary Runnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00657642542504199591noreply@blogger.com0